Tag: advice

Humanity

changes

Lovelovemotherexpletive

If I hear fleetwood mac’s landslide i am going to crack into pieces and make an ungodly mess. because my icy heart will melt and be a mysterious wet spot on your floor. and that is the worst. the worst. except for maybe legos under bare feet, but thats not really a thing here anymore.

the feet are much bigger, and there aren’t so many roaming the halls.

it is time, it is the second child moving on and out that will be the breaking of me. and i’m here for it, watching what is happening and being full aware and immersed in it. there will be no surprises, my eyes are open and dusty, tears come to flush the system on a regular basis.

the summer after graduation has begun and he is living his best life and so, i have not seen him for four days. neither boy is especially good at communication and they get that from me, and so i roll in misery that is of my own self.

i remember when i split from their dad, he wanted to call the kids every night at eight and i told him it wasn’t sustainable (mostly i thought he’d be too sauced) and sometimes he fell down, but he kept it up, and he’s still on the phone with them all the time. and while i rested on my very dirty laurels and did all the work of the homework and the daily meals and the scheduling, i am now without. just, without. and yes, working on it, but i find myself balancing between wanting to leave them to their own lives, and wanting to hear all the things, and knowing i can barely stop myself from worry and interventions of words, and i don’t want to be kneejerk mom, when it is rarely needed. how do you communicate in that way, of distance, when you have created people out of your own flesh?

there is some mom stuff here, that is not male. sigh. the connection is blue lines that cut through mountains, like map lines, driving routes plotted . always there.

but what am i going to do now? How am I going to fill in the spaces with enough goodness and joy to float me to my end? or even get me through the lasts, whenever they happen….

i still have one at home, a whizzbanger, but the house is already yawning so big.

i need to know how you’ve done this, out there. how have you let them go?

-lovelove

Humanity

Don’t Give Up

Lovelovemotherexpletive
(These are not subsistence, safety or emergency directions. These are directions of immense privilege, once the other ones are addressed.)

Instructions on not giving up:

(idea from an Ada Limon poem, found here, and in yesterday’s post, here.)

  1. Call a friend or put the phone down. Like, an actual phone call, not a text. Voices are so good, and so are faces. You can even look at them while you talk if you want. Totally Jetsons.
  2. The second part of number one is important for me. If I can shove it off, the phone, I’m better for it. Really. All the damn scrolling! I can see it for the damage its doing. I can SEE it. goddamnit.
  3. Read a book. Don’t just say you are going to, do it. Don’t do it with the phone in your lap. Don’t feel guilty the whole time you are doing it. There is enough time. Laundry will always be there. So will the fucking game of uno and/or the epilogue you’re supposed to write.
  4. Fucking phone.
  5. Go outside. Look at things that don’t care who you are or what you are worth to worthless people. Just go stand next to a tree. It’ll love you or drop a stick on your head. Clear. (Don’t chop it down, or accept its giving its life to you. No, Asshole. Don’t ask it to, Creep. Just stand there.)
  6. Make a list. Listen when your friends tell you not to give up. Don’t read into it, just listen. Make another list.
  7. Lose yourself in the shape of a leaf. I mean, go for it. Pick an interesting one or just the nearest one. Imagine standing on that leaf. Spend some time there. I mean, try.
  8. Go water something. Be it a kid, or a pet, or a plant. Go feed something a truly nourishing drink of sustenance. Tell yourself how you are keeping life.
  9. Don’t clean anything, for godssakes, unless it makes you feel good. If you want to break a plate instead of washing it, go for it. Just wear safety goggles or real shoes maybe.
  10. I do like to sweep something though. I’m a fan of the sweep. Amazing how many things get caught up in that.
  11. In your moment of quiet, ask for help, guidance. If you don’t believe in a bigger thing, than make the ask to your own higher self, the pieces of you that want to be the best thing. Make it personal. Make it. Your act of creation, in asking, is a waterfall of possible. Rumble.

Do it all again the next day. Give yourself time in the morning, even if it means lying in bed thinking. Or staring at the coffee. Just be. Recognize how fucking awesome that is.

(if you can’t. call me. i’ll take the call, because the phone is still in my fucking lap. And I’ll take the call.)

Don’t Give Up.

lovelove.

me.

Humanity

Words of Advice for Being Isolated with kids…

Lovelovemotherexpletive

Sign them up for something. Don’t make them do anything. Sleep late. Wake them up on time. School them. Unschool them. Make friends with screentime. Make them suffer Monopoly. Sew. Bake bread for the second time in your life. Freak out. Calm down again. Eat something else.

Do feed them. Otherwise, take a deep breath and feel good that you are keeping them in, doing a tremendous act of community compassion and something downright Un-American, sacrificing for the few.

We’re doing the best we can. Be good to yourself, tell your judgemental inner voice to shut the hell up and have a glass of water, or wine, whatever you want. Be yourself and enjoy the hell out of your kids. Pretty soon they’ll be grown and out of the house, and avoiding your phone calls. So just sit down and watch a movie again. It is okay.

Love,

Uwmf

*if you must work out of the house, we feel you. all of us. and we love you, too.

 

Fingers crossed Corona2020 Unwifedmotherexpletive

 

Humanity

Greening my Feed

Lovelovemotherexpletive

so, i’m making a conscious effort to make my social media ‘feed me’.  right.

so there are plants. and lots of ’em.

and lately, a friend pointed to a woman who wrote a book about her life (on being human) and her hearing loss.  and i’m literally like. what?. a person has hearing loss and is a mom and functions socially? and writes about it? everything is punctuated by my own incredulity.

(i’ve ordered it, but haven’t read it, or anything about it.)

as if i can’t google things myself.  as if i don’t know that there are hearing loss forums and such. as if i haven’t learned and forgotten a million times.

so.plants. and hearing loss. next up? women who are unsatisfied with their lack of productivity, but somehow manage to keep on going in humor and life and stuff.  and then, writers who aren’t sure they want to sell anything or fit into a format that is sellable. those people.  i want to find my people. in real life, too.

so. how you greening up your feed?

Houseplants and Gnome Unwifedmotherexpletive

 

 

Humanity

I’m just sitting here.

Lovelovemotherexpletive

I’ve been sleeping poorly, now, two nights in a row, unable to regulate my temperature.  So, I’m hot, I’m cold, I’m sweating and I have a headache when I wake.  This is not ideal. (she laughs hysterically)

Yesterday I called in the LM and he arrived, and I rallied.  Stood up, took a bath, got it together. Because having someone around is supposed to be a support. Who knew? I mean, really, just having him here making chitchat with the littlest while she does Barbie whoknowswhat?  Made me feel more in-control, less likely to snap in my tiredness and just made the whole thing SO MUCH GODDAMNED BETTER.

Maybe its only the times I’ve been on my own, even when married, that make me see the incredible value in presence.  I think it is. the difference that having another adult in the house can make…

I’ve made an appointment for therapy because i think i’m actually being hit by a bunch of things at once… an anniversary with LM, which freaks me right the hell out. a repetitious relationship with an ex, which saddens me every time. one kid who thinks i’m going back to the ex, eventually, still, which makes me want to vomit with guilt for all that he does not know.

and so i’m doing whirligigs here, internally.  LM is just amazing and even when I say things that potentially might undo him, he is listening and staying and holding on to me. Its astonishing, frankly.

and so, i need therapy again.

DID I MENTION IT IS SCHOOL VACATION WEEK AND WE ARE ALL HOME TOGETHER?!

except my 14 year old, who has been on two skiing trips because you know. 14. sigh. beauty and stretch.

i do love you. hope you are well.

-uwmfVacation Sickday Unwifedmotherexpletive

  • OH, and my cold or whatever this is is affecting MY HEARING, which means everything is muffled and I have to put my face into someone elses to hear. which makes mothering spectacular.
  • OH, and the fastest way to get relief is to call my ex, which gives me great anxiety.
  • OH, and school vacation. Did I say that?
  • OH, and i’m working on a childrens book and I love it, and I am too invested in imaginary illustrations already… sigh. know any agents? (hysterical laughing)