Humanity

Plant sale, midstream

There is a second weekend of plant sale. It arriveth momentarily. Based on the numbers so far, I have outspent my profits by a factor of three. In some ways, this makes total sense, because my expenses included things that I will never have to purchase again. Grow lights, a seedling heat mat, a shelving unit for the trays, etc. Next year’s numbers will look radically different.

But man, it doesn’t make my heart flutter in a good way.

I’ve been coming home from longer work days (everyone is doing the same thing at the same time and my back is sore and I’ve already got a farmer’s tan.) and then repeating the work in my own garden. I cannot get the dirt out of the creases of my hands.

There is something glorious in this, and utterly romantic to the girl who feels romantic about these things, and yet I’m fall down tired, middle-aged, and the kids keep wanting food. I don’t even like pizza anymore and its so damn expensive to fall that way. They just keep wanting food.

The one thing that i did sell that was a boon was bouquets. I made little bouquets from the flowers given to me by flower boss and they jumped right out of my hands. At eight bucks, they were a steal and they were stolen. Makes me wonder and feel happy that i’ve been planting my flower beds so well this year. I wonder if there is a drive-by market for bouquets on my street. Hmm.

But I’m tired, man. Very tired. And yes, energized in my core. Growing things is pretty damn magical.

IF YOU WANNA SING OUT, SING OUT.

Humanity

Plant Sale, day one

Plant sale is finally arrived. I am nothing but relieved. All that ‘it is what it is’ crap is finally coming to lameass fruition. (i’m not a fan of that phrase, it has no joy and the complacency doesn’t sit with my inner preteen. I do recognize its truth at times, but i resent it.)

I’ve got a long list written out on the table, of what to do this morning. Its just 6 am now, and i’m a little stunned as I look over at the table where the list is buried in blossoms, snacks, and mason jars. Muggy weather isn’t super fine when it comes to blossoms, so some of my bouquets will have to be freshened up.

Bouquets for $8? Even if they just have seven stems? Baby Beauty? The flowers given to me by my flower farmer, because no, I cannot have insanity like this in my own yard just yet.

The two farmers I work with and call friends are to be credited entirely with my having anything to offer at this sale. Extreme novices cannot be overly easy to work with and they are still speaking to me and wishing me well, all the time, so let it be known here and now: people who grow things for a living are special. No joke.

heavens to betsy.

Don’t you just crave to know who Betsy is? I do. I really do.

Wish me luck, friends. I’ll be back again before you know it.

Kitchen table preparedness… 😉

—home! – likely tobe asleep in ten min

Humanity

twitch

I only posted three times in the whole month of April. That seems like a rather extreme dropoff. On the flipside, it will be pretty easy to do more in May, and since this is now post #2, things are looking rosy.

My plant sale is in less than two weeks. I am all aquiver, my farmer is like, ‘yeah, lets put up a table and see what we have that’s big enough’. I may need to adjust my level of ‘get ready’, and by a lot. maybe this is the notoriously stoic new england farmer thing? i’m quiet but pretty far from stoic. epic, yes, but not stoic.

This week my chicken chores expanded a whole bunch, in helping the farmer move the birds from one coop to another. It was a lot. I realized my age and how far I am from being a farmer. It is good to remember how much they do, and how nonstop their work is, and then pay more for the food they give us, because we should. It costs more energy and life force to plant and grow a real-life cucumber than it does to make a hotdog. It really does. But hot dogs have so many machines involved, so much shipping, so many ingredients we should probably care a whole lot about. Why can we buy a whole pack of hotdogs for so cheap? Why? Eat more cucumbers. Put ketchup on it, I don’t care.

Roe v. Wade is about to be overturned. I never have had an abortion but don’t judge any one who has, because fertility and womb care is for each woman to do, forever and ever, amen. Intensely personal life choices are supposed to be private, and sacred. Now my daughter, my nieces? will not have access if they don’t want to have a baby? I guess the state I live in is more important than ever. If she stays here, it will always be an option for her. I guess if we go from electing a president who thinks grabbing pussy is a thing, it makes sense that we end up with less freedom over our own lives than we had before our pussies got grabbed.

Sigh. That just put me off my writing mood.

woman protesting for women s rights
Photo by Duané Viljoen on Pexels.com

Humanity

A list: what surrounds me

I’m not doing ‘well-considered’ lists today. this is off the cuff and fast. Ready?

  1. I’ve got an old agatha christie book at my feet, bought it at a savers, for its cool-ass cover. it was a bit of a trip to read, the way in which hercule poirot moves through the world and I can’t do anything but picture steve martin trying to say ‘hamburger’ again and again. (Funerals are Fatal)
  2. i’ve got my feet curled up by my side, the cotton socks and the dirty jeans a sign of how little i care for myself. I had to put on dirty jeans today, because i haven’t done my own laundry in a long damn time. good thing i work in dirt. that’s all I’m saying.
  3. i was part of a writing group this weekend and I’m glad about that. It felt really nice and nourishing to have people around my kitchen table, and i really do love people, all my introversion aside.
  4. people are truly fascinating, even when they are boring or totally fucked up. (noone was totally fucked up this weekend, i swear, or boring)
  5. we’re all pretty fucked up. there’s so much goddamned fear out there. its tough to get through the day without bumping into someone’s fear and anger.
  6. i’ve got an empty package of ‘candy kittens’, mango flavored gummies that I ate the other day. the wrapper still here. I want to say i used it as a bookmark but i think i might be lying and its just trash lying around my house.
  7. a mug of tepid coffee, reheated to try and get the chill out of my bones. this spring weather shit can just kiss my ass. its ‘almost’ worse than winter. my toes get wet, its windy, raw. the mess is seething. the world is burgeoning. i suppose its the slick gross of afterbirth or something majestic.
  8. fuck. i’m cold.
  9. i am swaddled in cotton, tee shirt, sweatshirt with hood pulled up and over my hat. i am sure i look ridiculous.
  10. I’ve got dinner in the crockpot and it already smells boring and mushy, and i cannot tell you how much i hate not looking forward to eating. maybe i’ll buy us a dozen donuts for dinner.
  11. my daughter’s tablet is here, and the pile of books next to me is topped by the scissors, which are literally never where they should be. today, they are here. They are a pair of willful bastards.
  12. I’m being held up by the pink velvet sofa. And I will always and forever be happy that I picked the two of them up off the side of the road, even if the cat is mauling them mercilessly. bitch. but i love them. hold me, sofa, hold me.

love you. thats my story and yes, i am sticking to it.

-lovelove

Humanity

Sweeps

I’m at a baseball game in the middle of the day. I mean, I guess they are all in the middle of the day. Fair enough.

I spent the morning trying to arrange rides for all the kids. It was successful and everyone is going to have a good time and that makes me feel all glowy, while i feel like shit at the very same minute because I am absent. this is not good. (goddamned school vacation, and all) and then i drove to my mom’s so that she could drive me to work.

Then, at work, I spent the morning walking my boss’s dogs because one of them was having surgery and my boss was feeling crazy stress and worry and so I went with her to the vet.

And now I am here, having gotten my car out of the shop for an insanely large amount of credit card usage. Its another one of those splits. 1.I am thrilled to have my car back and I would throw any amount of debt-incurring at it to have it back. who cares? and 2. I am feeling nauseous about finances.

But i have my car, and i made it to the game to see him play. I’m good. Its all good.

And I’m sitting in my car, looking at the greens and the golds, and the faintest blue of the sky, and being swept with meloncholy. I feel watery.

I don’t see a way out of some of where I find myself, well, not a way that I like.

Sigh. You know what new phrasing has arrived in our american language that I really like?

I am feeling some type of way.

I am.

I am feeling some type of way.

But I have my car, and I made it to the game, and I am sitting in my car doing something I really love to do, write, and think, simultaneously.

So there.

I am going to find a pigpile of joy today, never you fear. But for now? Watery.