what are you, literally, feeling today?
- my eyes are tired, they’ve got that slight delay to them, the blink is slower. i feel that.
- pride. i’m proud that yesterday was so nice. i had a good time. i lost my shit around 4 trying to assemble the rowing machine. but i did it. my first ever solo voyage. and the kids accepted my apology and i lay under the incredibly soft and weighted blanket my sister got me and i cried a little. there’s no one to ask for any help, or even any sympathy and sometimes that gets to me. i feel it. self-pity party. in my freak out i did mention ‘real subtle-like’ some of the reasons why i might be so tired to the kids. it is good for them to gain some knowledge on christmas day. i’m sure they won’t remember. but still.
- its legit cold this morning, and i put on my boots and got the trash can out in time. the cold was good for my spirit. i think it cleared out some stuff. certainly made me realize that pajamas are not really winter weather gear. the sharpness on my skin was a good reminder of what is, and what is not.
- the coffee is so strong. the mug is porcelain poured over something else, smooth. i have no idea if its porcelain, its just smooth, with an imprinted, ‘christmas red’ design and i love it, and spent minutes this morning wondering if it were green would it last longer seasonally… like, could i use it into spring without feeling ‘behind’ in cleaning up, somehow. (i do not clean up quickly, but i do need another clearing of house some time in january, so it does get moved away)
- my skin is still soft, and smells good. oh my. soft. like old-lady soft. bring on the pastel mints.
- i keep having to consciously pull my shoulders down and relax my arms. i’m carrying some physical stress and I’m not sure what thats about, or why i keep getting wound up. once an hour at least.
- i just-about sliced the tip of my finger off last week (with scissors, thank you very much) when i was unpackaging a sled. it still hurts. it probably was a stitch-able thing but whatever and its my thumb. everytime i bump it my stomach lurches. i’ve had three freaking babies, folks. what the hell. it hurts distractingly. Its healed up mostly but good lord.
- i watered all my plants today, it felt like feeding chickens, taking care of babies. i was born to be a mom and i didn’t know it didn’t have to do with kids until after i started having kids. how bout that? i’m just that loving. i love my friends, my plants, my animals, my strangers. its just THAT obnoxious. gah.
- i always put oranges in stockings. yeah, old school but man, the texture of that skin. can’t you feel it and smell it now?
- i’m so damn lucky. i know it. my kids are awesome and healthy and i got to see my mom and sister (windows open, everyone masked the whole time, even kids y’all) yesterday. i feel the luck and love.
- today i’m going to read, and feed them and maybe get them out to the beach for a beauty walk. but thats it, and except for reading, the rest is negotiable. 😉
- i missed yesterday and thought about it a few times. i slept downstairs on the sofa by the tree and woke up before everyone. it was blissy but not necessarily good sleep. i saved my energy for the inevitable ‘will you play this new ooo with me?’ i did, i played, and then i said no, and then i ‘napped’ and then fed them. it was a win for the feeding, after all that. so i forgive myself the miss of not writing. life and all.
- still loves you all plenty.