Humanity

Funny not funny.

My daughter has been full-court press on wanting to sleep in my bed with me, for the past week, and I’ve been too sick, and found it pretty easy to say ‘shutup go away, little precious pancake, leave me alone.’ but last night I was feeling well enough to give her the chance and it sucked, big monkey feces-throwing suck. So, a little setback.

But I’m here, I made it to the kitchen, into the day. One of my boys is officially done with quarantine today though he still has a big ugly cough. The other is still in bed, and he’ll go back to life on the fifteenth. The end is nigh.

I had therapy yesterday and unpacked my belief that being bored means I have no inner resources. My grandmother said that to me one time and I took it in so deeply that it has become one of the primary pillars of my self-worth. Which sucks, because frankly, there are many boring times, and my own self-judgement is pretty damn heavy-handed.

SO. what she posited to me was a change in perspective. Instead of imagining myself empty of resources and therefore the most pathetic thing on the planet, a scourge upon humanity…. I COULD imagine that my resources are being blocked, and if so, I could be curious about what it is that is blocking them.

HA on YOU. The resources are always there. Because that makes more sense then them just disappearing, right? Like, I am FULL of FUCKING RESOURCEFULNESS.

A WATERFALL OF FUCKING RESOURCE.

Being bored is just a sign that some little bitty part of me is staging a revolt and has blocked the flow. SO good goddamn, i need to track down the ittlebitty wonkum and knock him upside his noggin, get him or her out of the way.

If none of this makes sense, I’m blaming it on the level of mucous I’ve got going on. It may be brain matter that I am expelling at this point.

So- I’m on the hunt to investigate my own inner world, its a little bit fun, i’m not going to lie. Its a circus in there, and a manhunt, and so it makes a pretty good action movie. There’s even a waterfall. I’m predicting a cliffhanger.

Sigh.

I am though.

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Its that bitch, 100%. I got her noggin on my list. I’m not sure when the waterfall turns up.
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Humanity

Asshole. And Rattle practice.

Well, two of the three kids have tested positive for covid. So, if you read that last post in which I whine? WELL.

I’m an asshole and so it is. No more whining except that I’m glad I’m vaccinated, and since they’re really quite recovered already, I can say I’m glad that they’ll have antibodies. Sigh.

And, on a positive note, my freezer will finally have its day. (i’m vaccinated, so according to the town nurse I can go to the store, but I’m concerned about the ego of the freezer, and how much its been looking forward to this day.)

It brings up a host of problems in co-parenting, in case you were wondering. So many and so varied, and so much of my life right now is just spent listening, and keeping my mouth shut and waiting for ‘conversation’ to end. I’m definitely out of practice of talking, because I do not know how people rattle on anymore. I really don’t.

Should I get out there and practice? (well, after we’re done quarantining.) Just go up to strangers and rattle off on them? or maybe that is what I use this forum for?

I honestly do not know. I think it might be time for more rattle practice, because listening sucks. I’d like to be the rattler for once.

LET ME RATTLE GODDAMNIT. LET ME RATTLE.

Humanity

Whatever man.

See here for a small complaining post about why I wish we were all more thoughtful about covid in the schools, and parents, and homelives.

SO. My kids school requires a PCR molecular test if the kid has any of the covid symptoms. Not more than one, or seriousness or any such combination, just one. So my kid had a fever, a mild one but enough to knock her off her game and I kept her home til she recovered. Now, unless I get a doctor to say she has strep or some other distinct alternative to covid, she is essentially presumed to have covid and I have to keep her home for ten days.

And now I have another one with a fever.

SO. I feel this. I know that it is so complicated, and putting decisions like this in the hands of school nurses is just tragic. So, I really do get that. But with kids? There isn’t always a diagnosis to explain everything. Like, sometimes they just have a fever, or get a cold, you know? And yes, I’m getting two of my kids a PCR test today, Thursday, in hopes that, with a negative, they can go back to school on Monday. Because they have a dad who can GIVE a pcr test. because there were no appointments anywhere until SUNDAY. WHICH WOULD MEAN THEY COULDN”T GO BACK TIL POSSIBLY THURSDAY WHICH WOULD PUT ME AT ALMOST A WEEK PLUS OF NO SCHOOL FOR a 24 hour something or other, and in my daughter’s case she’s up and raring to go.

so. MONDAY.

I work at home, and won’t be doing any today or tomorrow and that is just wretched. But what are parents doing? Taking days off? A whole week’s worth?! Are parents going to start lying? Are doctors, knowing what vaguery is doing to a typical family life? Will people just send sick kids to school? Will nurses have to meet kids at the door to keep them out? How is this being handled?

ALL of this is grotesquely caricatured in the assumption that they are negative, of course.

I do not like this, sam.

And here I am. Driving for a covid test, fingers crossed that they’ll go back to school and science is a tricky business and full of rebels and thy will be done, etc. etc. And no, my kids aren’t vaccinated yet, but honestly, it would change absolutely nothing about this post, because the protocol is the same for everyone.

and yeah, i hear you out there calling me a whiner. I do. and I know, I am.

HERE ME WHINE.

-ugh.

Covid, in the shape of the light fixture in the living room. Its everywhere.