Humanity

Whatever man.

See here for a small complaining post about why I wish we were all more thoughtful about covid in the schools, and parents, and homelives.

SO. My kids school requires a PCR molecular test if the kid has any of the covid symptoms. Not more than one, or seriousness or any such combination, just one. So my kid had a fever, a mild one but enough to knock her off her game and I kept her home til she recovered. Now, unless I get a doctor to say she has strep or some other distinct alternative to covid, she is essentially presumed to have covid and I have to keep her home for ten days.

And now I have another one with a fever.

SO. I feel this. I know that it is so complicated, and putting decisions like this in the hands of school nurses is just tragic. So, I really do get that. But with kids? There isn’t always a diagnosis to explain everything. Like, sometimes they just have a fever, or get a cold, you know? And yes, I’m getting two of my kids a PCR test today, Thursday, in hopes that, with a negative, they can go back to school on Monday. Because they have a dad who can GIVE a pcr test. because there were no appointments anywhere until SUNDAY. WHICH WOULD MEAN THEY COULDN”T GO BACK TIL POSSIBLY THURSDAY WHICH WOULD PUT ME AT ALMOST A WEEK PLUS OF NO SCHOOL FOR a 24 hour something or other, and in my daughter’s case she’s up and raring to go.

so. MONDAY.

I work at home, and won’t be doing any today or tomorrow and that is just wretched. But what are parents doing? Taking days off? A whole week’s worth?! Are parents going to start lying? Are doctors, knowing what vaguery is doing to a typical family life? Will people just send sick kids to school? Will nurses have to meet kids at the door to keep them out? How is this being handled?

ALL of this is grotesquely caricatured in the assumption that they are negative, of course.

I do not like this, sam.

And here I am. Driving for a covid test, fingers crossed that they’ll go back to school and science is a tricky business and full of rebels and thy will be done, etc. etc. And no, my kids aren’t vaccinated yet, but honestly, it would change absolutely nothing about this post, because the protocol is the same for everyone.

and yeah, i hear you out there calling me a whiner. I do. and I know, I am.

HERE ME WHINE.

-ugh.

Covid, in the shape of the light fixture in the living room. Its everywhere.

Humanity

okay okay

here we are: the otherside.

I’ve completed the hardest of my projects for this week, and i’m basking. Just momentarily, but still. And, a birthday is completed, and I can’t tell you how glad I am. And the cactus in the houseplant section of my kitchen are blooming. and there is joy in mudville. and tomorrow I get to go feed the chickens again. and that is invigorating. so much so.

so, its not necessarily the otherside, but its well down the path towards it. I can see those greener pastures of january first, i can.

there will be bumps, this is guaranteed.

I’m a bump-ridden kind of girl. But also, I’m a bump rider. I throw my hands up when the car goes over the tracks and I love the thump of my base when I hit the speedbumps. SO.

I wrote this morning about what is in my fridge and how I’m sadly familiar with the liquifaction of zucchini. and thats a bump, but i’m waving my arm around like I just don’t care. Can you see me? More liquid magic for the compost heap, baby.

And, determination. So much determination that maybe next year, I’ll even plant zucchini, just to prove it to myself that there is a way, somehow, someway, to get my kids to eat it. There is. I will lazerpoint my steely eyes on those children and watch them with glee when it happens to them.

The zuke.

(whats funny is that most of my writing this morning had to do with myself being a ‘pantser’ style (by the seat of your pants) writer, a writer without a plan who gets an idea and just runs. This post is a perfect example of the problem with pantsing. No doubt you did not expect the first sentence to lead you through this journey. Neither did I. I’m just along for the ride, like you.)

And herein lies the problem with this every day thing… no, no, i’m not going to say it, or type it, or even think it anymore.

i’m just going on faith here that if you read it, you’ll find something in it that you like. go digging. find something.

maybe my kids won’t need me to play hide the zucchini.

and because I think that sentence is so funny and leads to so much joy and hysteria, i’m going to stop right there.

love you guys. dig for it.

-kate

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Photo by Angele J on Pexels.com
Humanity

Yesterday

I spent most of the day at a soccer game in the most brilliantly beautiful warm fall day you could imagine. I mean, take the time to envision the greens against a blue sky, the shock of the sun against the reds, oranges, dark greens, yellows of the tree line.

The boys all in white, and red, running on the green.

Colorwise, I was blown into the stratosphere. Honestly.

And, it was an awesome game, fraught with peril and intrigue.

And, We Won. Which makes it all glimmer and sparkle like a damn tv commercial for main street, america. (think gilmore girls town center at christmas, babes)

Stars Hollow, I believe.

I may have watched too much of that show at one point. I left when Rory hit the skids and went for the rich guy. I hated that guy. Sigh.

Anyhow. My sister and her love were there, my mom and all my kids. My old father in law was hidden elsewhere but was there with his daughter. It was the most beautiful day.

Today we have a birthday party at a trampoline place that I am mildly dreading, and hosting. The noise of the place, the exhaustion of socializing when masked. If I sit down and read a book, with headphones on, do you think people will judge me?

My daughter will judge me.

Shitcakes.

Fuck. I need a cigarette. Do you think the trampoline park will mind if i smoke?

(i’m not going to smoke. its been over a month now. yeah baby.)

shitcakes.

I’m hoping to write more interesting things this coming week, now that I have some days empty, in a row, even. My projects are winding down and after Monday will be primarily finish work on both.

We will see.

So for today, just a tiny bit of whats going on here. today. yesterday.

you got me, i know.

-lovelove

Sigh. The photos can’t capture it. Shocking color yesterday. literally shocking the system.

Humanity

Chump

I got stood up on a first date. I only waited fifteen minutes. I bought myself a sundae anyhow but didn’t want to pay a dollar for the slices of banana and so robbed myself of a little joy. but there was hot fudge.

(online dating bites the big one, also without banana)

i wore my yoga pants backwards this morning, to yoga. I’m not sure if anyone could tell but man, its that feeling, when you recognize that you are kinda sorta only basically functioning.

I spend a lot of time excusing people, making up imaginary scenarios in which there is a good reason for their bad behavior. I am beginning to see what a waste of my time that is. It is hard to let go of a pattern I’ve had since childhood. Some things are just inexplicable.

I’d like to tell you that I’ve been patting myself on the back for dodging a bullet but that would not be true. I wonder to myself if he saw me, and ran away, like they do in the movies. I am not 27 anymore and my exotic bird characteristics are not for everyone.

And then I think to myself I will stop looking. And then I recognize that it is possibly one of my defining traits, to be looking, seeking, curious. So then what? A break? I have fear that if i do that it will be permanent, I will somehow float off into the woods never to be seen again, disconnected entirely from the world of my body and of men.

and maybe that wouldn’t be so bad. but then there’s these kids that still need to be shepherded to adulthood. and stuff. and i should probably feed the dog. yah.

CHUMP.

thats right. its been that kind of week. And i’m pretty sure its just Monday.

Humanity

so. summer. its here. (sustain)

Its tuesday, it is technically the fourth and a half day of summer. (not counting the weekend when they are at their dads, if so, that would be two more days, because facts matter. actual facts, i mean.) I have had children tell me they hate summer salads. I have had children crying because they can’t do something every day. Teenagers have cried on the inside at my absolute bitchery. what happens on the outside is sullen, and often involves speed-dialing their dad to complain. this makes me feel SOOOOO good.

Also? this is the second day of non-beachy weather and so, kindof home-bound. I have had talks about how we can’t get ice cream every day and if we’re going to buy the ‘pitch back’ and the ‘gymnastics bar’, then we are going to have to figure out how to like summer salads, because take out is for special events, not EVERY GODDAMN DAY. I have had talks, to deaf ears (not my own) about how to fill time when bored. Today I will take a phone away, for the charges I found when I woke up this morning. It will be banner. BANNER.

GUys. This is tuesday, of the first full week.

(and i have 30,000 words to write in the next ten days.)

(i’m getting up very early. werk.)

I’m fine! I really am! I’m going to be fine! I’ve done this before. I’m totally chill. I don’t mind driving them around, I don’t. I could do with a little less complaining for their charmed lives, but I’m fine. we’re good. Next year, everyone is getting a damn job. Less time means less complaining, right?

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Not my bunnies. But just like ’em..Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I’m still poet-ing with my old friend and I just love it. There is a piece of me that is so damn happy to still be alive, alive enough to be poet-ing.

the latest thing I wrote in that exchange? This:

-am watching a baby bunny outside,

clover and green are what sustain.

and me too, these small things sustain.

Sweet, right? So tiny. but so lovely.

sustain, baby.

love love,

me.