Whatever man.

See here for a small complaining post about why I wish we were all more thoughtful about covid in the schools, and parents, and homelives.

SO. My kids school requires a PCR molecular test if the kid has any of the covid symptoms. Not more than one, or seriousness or any such combination, just one. So my kid had a fever, a mild one but enough to knock her off her game and I kept her home til she recovered. Now, unless I get a doctor to say she has strep or some other distinct alternative to covid, she is essentially presumed to have covid and I have to keep her home for ten days.

And now I have another one with a fever.

SO. I feel this. I know that it is so complicated, and putting decisions like this in the hands of school nurses is just tragic. So, I really do get that. But with kids? There isn’t always a diagnosis to explain everything. Like, sometimes they just have a fever, or get a cold, you know? And yes, I’m getting two of my kids a PCR test today, Thursday, in hopes that, with a negative, they can go back to school on Monday. Because they have a dad who can GIVE a pcr test. because there were no appointments anywhere until SUNDAY. WHICH WOULD MEAN THEY COULDN”T GO BACK TIL POSSIBLY THURSDAY WHICH WOULD PUT ME AT ALMOST A WEEK PLUS OF NO SCHOOL FOR a 24 hour something or other, and in my daughter’s case she’s up and raring to go.


I work at home, and won’t be doing any today or tomorrow and that is just wretched. But what are parents doing? Taking days off? A whole week’s worth?! Are parents going to start lying? Are doctors, knowing what vaguery is doing to a typical family life? Will people just send sick kids to school? Will nurses have to meet kids at the door to keep them out? How is this being handled?

ALL of this is grotesquely caricatured in the assumption that they are negative, of course.

I do not like this, sam.

And here I am. Driving for a covid test, fingers crossed that they’ll go back to school and science is a tricky business and full of rebels and thy will be done, etc. etc. And no, my kids aren’t vaccinated yet, but honestly, it would change absolutely nothing about this post, because the protocol is the same for everyone.

and yeah, i hear you out there calling me a whiner. I do. and I know, I am.



Covid, in the shape of the light fixture in the living room. Its everywhere.


I like being busy.

I know. Its with a certain amount of chagrin that I say this, knowing how I’ve been complaining these past few weeks.

My projects wrapped up. and while there is a tiny thing I could do, I’m finding myself utterly at a loss and swept away by emotions. I do blame perimenopause for some of it, yes, but not all.

working for myself, at home, is not an easy gig.

i’m thinking i might go binge on the walking dead, because i can hide from the gratuitous gore and just hang on to the mystery of who is going to survive or what will ever cause things to get better. (i’m on season six somewhere so don’t say a word.)

the kids are also away this weekend and i’ve had them for the past two, so there is this gaping maw sensation. I’ve got some entertainment in my social life these days but i’m thinking i’m going to take the weekend off from that too. and so, its just me, and tv.

never fear. i’ve got a crockpot going and have fed the chickens and things look normal from the outside. but still. this month. tsk.

Its nice to think about cooking good food. I’ve been assigned brussel sprouts and butternut. Plus, mashed potatoes. All will be well. I can actually just live on those, anyhow, so we’re good.

love you guys. hope your search for food will be fulfilled.


My ladies, of Flying Carrot Farm

Crappy Work Ethic.

I’m doing a terrible job of getting a writing project done. Evidence here, under your eyeballs. I’m writing here like a champ! Getting it done! But the job I get paid for? Sigh.

I ate two pieces of cake today though. And, I fed the chickens joyfully and I bought all the tchotchkes for the party give away bags. whatever demon mother first came up with the birthday family giving presents OUT at the party? Damn her to hell. Anyhow, kid wanted gum to be given out. so i have gum. Gum.

And I don’t even have anything exciting to write. I’m sort of blissing out on my kid’s birthday. I just adore her, and she’s nine. What a great age. I tell you, I’ve loved every single age, once toddlerdom ended. Every single one. For all three kids.

So, I’m blissed out, and having a hard time tying myself to the writing job. I had a call with a client and took on some other jobs, so I’m laughing at myself a bit, because I clearly think I’m going to meet my deadline and all will be well, even though said deadline is creeping up my ass as I type.

colorful language, yes. but really.

Almost forgot to post this today, because its almost dark and its three pm and i just want to snuggle and have my tea and live like I’m supposed to live, in swathes of flannel with cheeks pinked from being outside in bluster.

Boy, this is windy ramble. So says I. and so says todays weather. So we match. It is well with me.

I’m smiling contentedly at you whilst the time slips away.

A moment of well.

  • love love.
dirty dry pattern texture
Photo by Markus Spiske on



  • don’t forget to read the last line, below the photo. that is where it is at.

    I have a limited time on tuesdays as I run off to haul produce for a few hours and I try to get all the things done before I go. And so there is nothing in my brain to offer here.

the weather is stunning. just stunning. gasp-oriented.

and I feel my heart expanding because I just talked to my bestie and reminded her that she is saving the world every day in her work as a hospital nurse. People need to be reminded that all the nitty gritty and bs is serving a purpose. and things really are moving, they are.

there is nothing but policy in the way of better family treatment in the care of a thirteen year old who is suicidal? All that nitty gritty is for the better care and love of a kid in need. It can be carried.

hate the guy you work with but you are part of a team building a better home? Someone will LIVE there and make memories and share love.

a crop failed and you are worried that you won’t have enough to offer your csa members? You are FEEDING and NOURISHING people with wonderful things, and it is November. And onions store.

the laundry is piling up and someone said your house was cluttered? You are RAISING GOOD HUMANS, in a house full of beauty, and who gives a shit about clutter in the face of THAT.

So there, and thats all I’ve got, really.

  • i’m way behind on my work. that sucks. today is not the day though. talk to me tomorrow. heh.
COLOR! Towels on the line, of mine. Today, November 9, 2021

we are not stuck. we’re just taking care of business.


Tidal changes. (day three of nablowrimo)

Lets talk perimenopause, shall we?



so. my whole menstrual life i was super regular. like, predictable as old yeller dying or old faithful, the geyser in yellowstone… (and it was only ever three days long, she says with kindof shame when she knows how much tougher it is for so many) … it was a joy. well, okay, not a joy exactly, but i could tell by my mood what was coming, found relief when it arrived because my emotions would settle soon, and when it finished, i had a burst of productive energy. I could bet my money on it. bake my cookies, etc.

And then we come to 47. This is the year of skipped months, ten days of bleeding, cramps again, holy hell of not knowing when it is ever going to end. this month, i have had two ten day long periods, and i honestly don’t even know where the blood is coming from. you’d think I’d be super skinny because my body is pumping blood out my wahoo, but no. no i am not. I have no idea how to find productive days anymore, but they do just arrive. (yes, my dr. is in contact with me and yes, this is all normal. can you fucking believe that? Normal?!)

I’ve started to read up on it because its leaving me a mushy mess, and so tired, and confused. and often, sad, and then angry. So, eat your cruciferous foods, and avocado. get farty with it. and, lift weights and exercise, and then, form meaningful relationships and take care of yourself, and all that. and don’t mind the new shape your body has, just deal with it. you are approaching elderly shape, and thats that.

Oh, and I read yesterday about Clitoral Atrophy, and how its a thing during menopause.

oh, and also? expect your male partners to be familiar with little blue pills.

so there is that to look forward to, once all this rollercoaster of blood and humanity slows.

I’m throwing in the towel. well, the bloody rag.

I apologize for this post, and yet, really, i fucking don’t.

YEah, this is about how it feels.

Perimenopause is a flat out bitch.