Category: Uncategorized

Humanity, Uncategorized

Salt of the Earth.

Lovelovemotherexpletive

Two minds:

Listen. I want the belt that magically makes my squishy belly go away.   i want the meal kit that just barely needs to be thrown at the stove to feed all these relentless bastards.  kids, i mean. I want the powder I add to my water to float all my toxins down the Nile, without polluting anything.

lazy

I want to just keep on writing like i do and have money roll in. is that so bad?

i mean, i know the want isn’t bad, but is the whole idea so bad? that i could just type and type and type and then support myself and these kids. demons, i mean.

art ceremonial colored colorful
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snarky. and i’m super lucky that my kids really aren’t demons and its amazing what happens with age… there is so much more freedom for me to exist now that they are so much more self-sufficient.

I mean, do you hear those words?  there is more freedom for me to exist.

arrgh.. why is is still part of the setup for moms to feel like that?

Is that a wife thing too? I don’t know about healthy marriages, but I certainly made myself second fiddle there too..

Is it the technology that has made us lazy? the commercials, when I watched tv as a kid, the novelty items promising to make everything easier all the time? slice a goddamned penny with your knife, man.  is that the goal now? even money? the only reason to get some is to make things easier and easier…

education? to get a better job, to make more money, to take better vacations and stay in nicer hotels… ease.

lazy

my dad was born blue-collar but was white-collar in his later working years. and i’m forever influenced by his past, and what is mine.  we work hard, we scrabble, we get dirty…and that is how we know we have done well, that we are good people… salt of the earth.

salt of the earth.

 

i don’t get the feeling that ‘salt of the earth’ has much time for my twittering.

 

One day, I’m going to sit down and flesh these things out, give you the meat of my thoughts, what they settle down into being once they appear here, unfiltered or edited.  when i am more salt, and less laze.

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There needs to be one about ALCOHOL.

Lovelovemotherexpletive

Alcohol. You drink it? You rely on it? You love it?

I happen to be in a place where many of my friends are discussing it. leaving it… realizing it does not suit their spirit’s needs.

Sometimes I think they talk to me about it because I was married to someone who had a real and soul-crushing problem with it.  I am something of a safe spot, someone who might give them an answer or judgement on whether they have a problem.

I am not any of those.

alcoholic beverage bar beer beverage
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When alcoholism left my house, i went out and bought a fancy bottle of whiskey.  The kind you have to ask them to get for you.  I used to like WhiskeyandCokes… and I had been ‘unable’ to drink for the past decade (i chose not to, and tried not to have it in the house, to no avail)… so I thought it was high time I figured out a favorite cocktail.

The first couple of months, maybe even the first year, I had drinks every time my kids were gone for the night. Every time.

Then, now, and forever: I never drink more than a single drink around my kids, and not whiskeyanything, because I learned that I value my mornings too much…. the bottle is still there if you’d like some…

no kids? well, your life is your own. as long as you walk everywhere while drinking.

are you using alcohol for something?

Does it affect your health?

Do you question whether you have a problem? Does it make you feel yucky in the morning?

I don’t know, man, I don’t really have these answers… and I can’t sort out my own mess about it. I’m trying very hard to let it be your story.

There is a lot here, and in our society, the ‘life of the party’ is a whole lot of pressure… and the ideal for a lot of people. the goal, even.

two smiling women sitting on wooden bench
Photo by ELEVATE on Pexels.com

I still have dreams of having tequila with a bunch of women at a lake house and having it be the time of our lives.  and i know better for myself, and my spirit still calls for the camaraderie and the loss of filter and the dumb freedom of numb.  and joy, there is a lot of joy in laughter. so much.

and a cold beer with pizza is one of the best things in the world.

And so if ladies invite me out and thats what they want to do, maybe I will, but I can feel pretty content saying no sometimes… and tequila is scary… and then there’s cars, and driving… and no way i can have more than one drink if i’m getting in a driver’s seat. . . no fucking way.

so, its complicated. and i’ve written this quickly, and there is a lot more to it. and i have issues. and there is judgment, and i’m trying not to do that, so there is work…

there is always work.

 

 

 

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Vacation SLOWDOWN

Lovelovemotherexpletive

MAMA is taking three days off with the kids to go to a little motel by the ocean we like to call the Surfcomber.  We like to call it that because the owners of it like to call it that.  And they own it, so…. it has a pool and it has the ocean from every balcony, and chaise lounges up the wazoo.

and i am sighing in bliss just thinking about it.

and again. sigh.  so if i’m quiet, thats where i am. I’m hoping to be writing up a bunch while I’m there, but we’ll see… if its rainy, then I will be slowly going insane trying to entertain my brood. if you hear strange screams at night, its not a fisher, its me, echoing through the air over the water.

No worries.

bliss sigh.

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Patterns

Lovelovemotherexpletive

I can see patterns. in other people. With time, there seems to be a cycle to most of the action that others take or show.  It is, of course, much harder with me, seeing my own.  As I move into other relationships, I’m trying my hardest to strike out, and just NOT REPEAT, but I find little nuggets of great familiarity in the oddest of places.  and I am choosing, right now, to move away from them cleanly and without harm. . . But you? if you want advice, I’m a humdinger, because of this ability.  Who the hell wants my advice?  I’d give it for free, yes, if you asked me in person. but alas and alack, that is not how my world goes, and I don’t really know people in person anymore.

believe me, that is an entire novel.

and we’ve all read it.

ASK ME. (isn’t this possibility just hysterical?!)

 

 

ASK ME!!

Seriously, ask me anything. Write me a few informative sentences and watch what sort of brilliant drivel I come up with . You are always operating at your own risk, but I am not a mean person and will never be so. Its a pay-first situation. You pay and then we set up an email dialogue… You get what you get and you don't get upset.

$5.00

 

 

 

 

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Type in Joy

Lovelovemotherexpletive

You know, on these posts, you are supposed to label them, you know, like ‘dating’ or ‘writing’ and I suppose it helps search engines find you more easily…

and you make them up yourself.. so anything goes … when i wrote at wifemotherexpletive.com , it was slightly earlier in the technology wilderness and all my labels were utterly my own… Grammie, hands, wahwah, crap, repetitions, moneyhell… you see…

this time around I am much more savvy, and so they are stupid boring. (but searchable!!) but yesterday I was writing and added a photo that I just love of two of my kids and I in the bed… (its the only ac in the house, so we’ve been camping in my bedroom for the better part of two weeks… sigh…)

and ‘writing’, ‘dating’, ‘advice’ … nothing cut it…and i was trying to keep things simple and hoitytoity ‘refined’ and so … JOY…

I have a label of JOY.

and I realized that I have never ever searched for JOY.  and why not?

 

 

It is TIME.