ah… more online dating stuff. hope you’re still here…

There’s this new-ish thing. Well, I presume its as old as humanity but is just more prevalent now in the un-connected-connected way of the internets. Ghosting. 

SO, I met this nice man on the online dating site that is for actual dating, and not uh, ‘meeting’ up in a disrobing fashion.

nice guy, we texted, we (I) flirted… we made a date, we had the date. it was nice, it was easy and comfortable for me, i wasn’t smitten but we had just a little goodbye kiss and made a plan for another date.  cool.

two days later he stopped returning my texts. nothing ever happened but i never heard from him again and thats the end of that.

GHOST. 

I know his name, I know about his family, but he has disappeared from the world.

Yes, because I am a mom, it occurs to me that he is in a ditch somewhere mouldering. But I am pretty sure not.  This isn’t the first time I’ve been ghosted. So I’m old hand at it, and just presume that something happened and they realized they couldn’t move on with the attempt at dating.

what i can’t understand is the ‘not saying a word’ aspect of it. just, gone. and its not like i didn’t ask! I sent a text twice a day, then once a day, then said goodbye.  No Response.

and truly, he wasn’t a stranger anymore, and I’d say hi to him on the street if we bumped.

and that, my newb friends, is Ghosting…

now you know…

See what I did there? See it?

Online dating is a whole new world. Right? No word of mouth, no family friend, no connection whatsoever. Its completely unnatural and inorganic.

You garner impressions from photos and type. I mean, in this age of social media, you know how deceptive that can be? even when unintentional, its a setup, we, all, only put our best feet out there…

I’ve tried, since the beginning, to put my cute but doofy pictures out there… and quickly send moronic pictures to my prospective dates, because i want their expectations to be closer to accurate.

I think my biggest fear is walking in to meet someone and having a look of disappointment flash across their face.  I’m not sure I could recover from it, to enjoy our meeting…

So I am goofy. So I am authentic. I send them all the most ‘distressing’ facts.  I have a belly. I have hairy legs. I am a total left-winger. I have one deaf ear and one ear that really sucks.  I want them to know what they are getting, visually and personality-wise, and I’m a mixed bag. I have issues. and I am awesome, but I’m not for everyone…

which brings me to this: I am not for everyone.

Not everyone is for me. But everyone can apply.

I have made lists of what I think I ‘need’ in a partner, when I was starting out after the separation, and I’ve realized how limited such a thing can be.

There is a whole world I don’t know about… and my imagination can barely stretch to include the unknown, right?

what if my favorite person-to-be is madly in love with woodworking? or rides a freaking harley?  or likes guns? (agh.) how am i to know that this passion is necessary to me?

ugh. so i don’t make lists anymore. who cares if they like tacos? (well, i mean, why would any SANE person NOT like tacos?!)

I mean, I do have some boundaries. but I try to be very accepting. very. and it is work, make no mistake. standing in judgement on strangers is the new american way. it is hard to fight the ease of it…. but i am woke, so i do.

I don’t judge. I don’t get involved with people who are in relationships because that is not what I want for myself. But I don’t judge. Its their story.

the world is incredibly multifaceted, and if you think there is a box, then i’m sorry… 

keep in mind: if there is no box, that means there is no box FOR YOU, either…

that’s a damn sizzler.

I don’t have a damn key. I don’t have all the answers. I still get nervous and have to talk myself down, sometimes I even cancel.

Online Dating. ?  Seriously, What the fuck? … Walking into a situation with a stranger.?…all the things….so many things…

will it be boring? will we fit? will i be attracted? attractive? am i going to be groped? do i want to be groped? 🙂  how’s my dress?  for me in particular– will i hear everything? will i get to laugh? make them laugh?

oh, man, i just want it to be fun. FUN.

god damn.

in truth?

The biggest hurdle is shushing my own inner story about who I am going to meet.  Seriously, they are not here to do what is right, to impress me, to compliment me… though I may deserve and want all of those things… and they may even do those things, who knows?

They are just a human being, walking into a situation with a stranger, and their story is just intersecting with mine for the minute.  (honestly, sometimes i think we forget that they are complete and fully formed humans, these ‘dates’…)

just that dinner-long minute. its not mine to control or judge… just to get a glimpse of… and enjoy and feel wonder and curiousity about…what their story is…

If i am universal and timeless, as i sometimes feel that i am, from the depths of my hermit cave, i see other people as little lightning bugs at the doorway to the verdant…

oh, i liked that sentence. and maybe its a perfect ending, topped off by the green in the photo…

huh… maybe not…

If anything, its that curiosity that makes me keep on keeping on out there in the online dating world.

Whats it going to be like? Are they anything like their chatter? like their photos?

I’ve learned these things: (4 for now)

1.   nope, photos are illusory. even if its a great photo of them, the flesh is three dimensional, and the eyes and their responsiveness, can only be realized in person.
2.  Typing and talking are not the same thing. and i need to remember it all the time, when i move from texts to talking. there is no substitute for face-to-face, ever. and its really the only real.
3.  while the sizzle is incredibly important, it is really important for me to … well, i mean, the sizzle is really important and i currently am pretty fixated on it… but i know there is more to it. (um, i’m sure i’ll grow and learn here but … sizzle)…oooh, distracted..
4. I choose not to be suspicious, but I listen to my instincts. I cannot be fixated on the possibility that it is all lies, or that they are psychokillers… I actually think that in a face-to-face meeting, my instincts will answer such, and all will be well. there is crazy out there, but I am equipped to handle it, and I choose not to be suspicious of it… it is a choice. it really is.  I just can’t live like that.

If i (sometimes) respect my Self and my Instincts and my Blissful joybubbleness, I know that there are times that I don’t… and then its time for a break, and I take them.  Learning isn’t something I need to do every weekend, and sometimes I just can’t handle the strain of the practice..