what i’m doing.

• i’m crying a fair amount, but now my eyes hurt and i’m trying not to.
• i’m meditating most days. a guided meditation, so i have even less opportunity to think. thinking is the enemy.
• i’m working part time in a flower greenhouse, to learn, because i’m dreaming of having my own greenhouse lately and goddamnit, those things are not cheap and are a whole big deal. they arrive unassembled, goddamnit, and empty. (laughing.)
• i’m gathering all my dreams into a big pile to see what I can make of them, try to make my life something more independent, more in line with the joy and the contentment I have and want more of. fuck ‘work in the schools’. swear to god, i hear that one more time and i will buy a gun.
• i’m sinking into a deep melancholy that I feel in my chest, losing one of my best supports and loves is an unbalancing force, and I am aware, and so I am doing my best to reach out and gather new supports, and use the ones I have. hello sister. nods.
• i’m fine. its january. things percolate. i have a working coffee maker, and vitamins. i’ll make it.

love love,

me.