what i learned in vegas.

Spent five days in Vegas, no kids and a lovely bf.

  1. what happens in vegas stays in vegas.
    yep, because there should be a wall put around the area and all the money and greed and waste and environmental ignorance should be encapsulated, so that the rest of the world can go on and on without any of that. Lets move trump’s mexico wall to nevada?
  2. the world of human creativity is alive and well, my faith in human goodness and magic is restored. the engineering feats? the lighting technicians who found their niche? the armies of cleaning people in the mornings? the ways in which an entire civilization has been built where no people can survive? Astonishing. I was constantly astonished. Look up, look down, its everywhere.
  3. Addendum to 2: I saw two Cirque de Soleil shows, Love and Ka. And I cried because my heart was so full of the majesty of humanity.
  4. the scenery of the cowboy movies is real, and that blew out the walls of my small world, and i’m better for it. buttes, bluffs, red rocks at sunset, all just outside the city limits, visible from my hotel room in the Fremont area.
  5. i love moscow mules. probably way too much. way.
  6. drag show humor is one of those things that restores my faith in humanity. i laughed so much, and loved those beautiful performers and their catty ways. It should be required for everyone to watch one, every year, like a thanksgiving dinner, good for the soul.

AND. I haven’t even told you about my sister’s wedding yet, at which there was a QUEEN, but not in drag. That body was 100% booming, and 100% hers. I’ll fill you in next time. I haven’t even had a chance to talk to my sister about it yet. But holy love fest, guys. HOLY LOVEFEST.

Chihuly ceiling at the Bellagio. A flipping ceiling.

self-effacing humor.

oh god, i am so good at it. making less of myself, in a very funny way. always so funny. if there weren’t funny there, you might get concerned, and god knows, i don’t want any attention.

i was pawing through the junk corner to find a notebook to make a grocery list. It used to be just a junk drawer, but things have spread.

I found one, and in flipping to an empty page, i found some old writings, from back when i had time and a brain that was fluid and beautiful. there is no date but subject matter declares it to be several years old.

i’m going to quote from my own self here, there is no way to humbly quote oneself, so give me a pass today. context: i must’ve had an ugly/tense exchange with the ex via text, and was having the ugly/tense reaction privately in ink. It is not funny, as private doesn’t need that bit, does it? but I do love the imagery. Here it is:

Damnit. the time flows already, that wine river of regret. these things i want to be finished with, the list goes on and murders me firsthand with little to no hesitation.

the ex of course, i want to be done, to have no time in which i still have to cajole and negotiate with his ego.

to be done with doubt, to be done and finished and finally grown up, to be finished. my impatience is legion, doubts sway my progress and i fold and fold and fold in, like origami layered, no swan but a tank of layers, a solid block of onion skin. seems so doubt enters when i am self-effacing.

self-effacing. what a term. a thinning one does to oneself and how transparent will i allow myself to become as i go?


Right? it seems an opposition, this tank of folding and self-effacing humor, but it isn’t… its just another game of hiding. Ooh boy, yes.