Ghosts. What do you carry with you?
- I’ve made the cardinal into the symbol of my dad, or he has, I’m not sure. But it stands; when I see one, I remember him. There is a cardinal couple who live in my yard, so I see them often, though often in unexpected places. He was a good dad, human, with flaws that were visible. When I remember him, I am helped, in whatever I am doing. I feel comforted. This is a very good ghost to have.
- I’ve been having anxiety dreams about my old marriage. I’m waking up thinking of bad times and its not a whole lot of fun. ‘Tis the season. (not a great ghost.)
- Along with the anxiety dreams, my brain has been tripping on old conversations. I don’t entirely understand it, as it is one-sided, clearly, and I have absolutely no interest in engaging ever on these subjects again. Past is past. Is a ghost sucking the life out of me? For those minutes, yes.
- I’ve got to deliver a turkey to my mom this morning, so she can get it ready for tomorrow. It will just be the two of us, and thats allright. My kids are with their dad, and thats allright. But I tell you, if I see pictures on social media of large family gatherings, my feelings will not be allright.
- Ghosts are heavy. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Heavy. Lay them down. Don’t carry anything but your own damn self. Past is past. Shake it off. Dance to the fucking pop song.
I’m out. five is all i can do today, and i’m going to lay it down. boom.