Today is the day I start legit worrying about my kid. He was put in quarantine again by his school and so is missing the next two weeks. It would have been his first day in the building in ten months. He had an outfit picked out and was almost giggling with excitement. 15 year old boys don’t do a hell of a lot of giggling. And then the phone call came.
I’ve been worried before, about all of them, for different reasons this year. But now, one is in full time, one is in twice a week, and the fifteen year old is still home, still isolated, still on his own.
Its a creeping worry, tendrils of doubt about how i’m handling, how i’m not. His dad’s reaction is to say we should send him to private school. it doesn’t help me to go there, because it doesn’t solve what is going on right now, in any way. But the masculine energy over at that house is making ski plans, and adding workouts to the days. And that is a great energy burn off, so I’m really glad of it.
We’re doing what we can, but it all feels bad. All of it. And it just goes on and on.
so thats my day. i haven’t written anything for myself, or for my project, and my brain is no longer in shards but shattered. I don’t even know where the pieces are anymore. like those little bits of the styrofoam that cling and blow and are just EVERYWHERE? like that.
i’m fine, we’ll be kind of okay.