Dearest February,
I’m so distracted today, my brain is lying in shards around me. I do have writing to do today, and I’ll be pretty lucky if I even open the document. or, I suppose lucky might be the wrong word.
and lest you think, ‘oh kate is so wildly lucky, it doesn’t matter if she works or not.’, I am seriously fucking myself with my inability to focus. Its true though, that I don’t have a boss, and only one deadline this week and I have innumerable hours. So yes, kate is wildly lucky. and totally fucked.
I’ve made the coffee, i’ve got laundry going, I took out the too-full trash and fed the chickens. I’ve got a little headache and I’m drinking water. I’ve been sleeping full-on shittily this week. Sigh.
How does one approach picking up shards? Should I be trying for a sweep? Or a careful one-at-a-time?
Its been brought to my attention, again, the rawness of this writing here, and I’m really grateful for all of you who read it, and have been able to handle it. Keep the faith. Know how much I love that you can handle it. Its a rare crew that can dive and resurface, and then do it again. I see you.
love love,
me
I think motivating yourself to work on your own is one of the most difficult things a person can do. Much easier to go to work on a predetermined schedule and people notice whether you’re there and working or not. When I was writing my dissertation, I would work all day long seeing a few clients, doing household chores, etc. and then around 8 or 9 PM tell myself I only had a few hours to do something. Then I could begin. I’d work for a few hours, often until 12 or 1 AM and break off when I had completed a section and made notes about what I would do the next day. Others in my dissertation group worked very differently. The important thing was that we each had to find our own personal way that worked for us. Not easy.