What do you think? My predilection for curses has to stay, guys. It just does.
But here is today’s list anyhow.
ala Cynthia Lee as per usual this month…
- Remember how easily babies can be soothed, once you know them, those four or so things that work: are they hungry, uncomfortable, lonely, sleepy? (and oh my god, this does not take into consideration cholic and god bless you if you survived that.) Cynthia points out that adults and people with age have been feeling HALTED, in the same way. Let me spell that out for you better.
H: Hungry A:Angry L:Lonely T: Tired E: Embarrassed D: Distressed
- How this might play out in watching our families and ourselves? Oh, I know you can see it. I also know that being solution-oriented will run amuck with me if I follow along with too much vigor. but i can certainly look at my damn self through that lens. And I’m adding Bored under the category of distressed, because goddamnit, i struggle with that.
- I find if I look at my self and my people through a lens like this, I have more space for sympathy, and kindness. It brings me right back to mothering the infant, a level of simplicity that I can handle, though frucking monstrously exhausting.
- just having a ladder to climb that way feels so damn helpful, and hopeful. If I can look at what is going on with my kids and within my own damn messiness, my god, if i can be more kind to any of those? it may save us all.
- Being home all this time, for years now, with the freelance editor/writer stuff, and for ten years before that as a stay-at-homer, I can really easily forget that I am NOT AN AGORAPHOBE. seriously, I am not. Nor am I Amish, or Mennonite. I miss people. so say we all.
- the kids leave today, for the five day chunk. I literally just daydreamed about cleaning the bathroom. like, real clean, not kid-clean. and it would stay that way, for five whole days. the smell of cleaner? oh my god, who the hell have i become?
- waking up on the days they are leaving is always a little different. no matter how little i have planned, there is a sense of anticipation, for the alone time. (i have absolutely zero planned for this five days, zero. because, covid. although, maybe writing, and a trip to the post office.)
- FIVE DAYS. FIVE!!
- Today i go to the nurse to learn how to give myself b12 injections. and i think i will feel like a rockstar once i get that underway. (so i guess thats a plan, i guess? whoop dee doo)
- I’m smiling a lot and there is a pressure release slowly whistling.
- and I made it to 11. although this, right here, is cheating.