December shapes up, or does it?

ala cynthia lee, i am on an eleven day oddball shape of


  1. snowflake. this is my first christmas with just me and the kids. and they are off to their dad’s right now, having their first christmas of two, right this second. so i have this wild gift of free time before christmas, and i decorated the kitchen in snowflakes. i am surprised to find i have a quinceanara princess mindset right now. . . MORE MORE MORE. i can’t reach the beams unless i put a ladder on top of the kitchen table and i really want to guys, i really want to decorate the beams. it is surprising me. it makes me very happy. and i would not be surprised to find myself leaving the house tomorrow in search of more snowflakes. (my imagination is very strong and i will not put the ladder on the table, i swear, because i’ve seen myself broken on the floor in my mind a hundred times already)
  2. round, cocoa bombs. the big splurge is a dozen hot chocolate bombs filled with other things that melt down in warm milk. this is christmas eve with me. hot chocolate, snuggles on the sofa and low lights. we’re allowed to open one of our book presents. (by me, i allow us to open books, bought special for christmas eve.) me. there’s even enough for my mom and sister, if my mom will feel comfortable enough to sit on the porch long enough for me to warm the milk. we shall see.
  3. trees. i’m bringing out the trees while they are gone. they’ve been around the house, but today i’m bringing them all visible. because welcome to the woods of my house, my inner life needs the tomten. do you get that? man. i do. so very deeply.
  4. what is the shape a dog takes? dog-shape. this dog i have is the loveliest thing. oh my goodness, he gives me something to focus my love on in these times. there’s just too much to keep to myself. i think thats part of the terrible discomfort of these days and of this ‘clean break’ from men. i don’t know where to put all this love and romanticism. So, a dog. not romantic, but still.
  5. magic. what is the shape of the sparkle? (oh my goodness, i’m delirious.) i still have an entire kid to wrap presents for and i’m calling it quits for today already. i’ve been driving all over the damn place today. little things, all the little things. i should be done now. but, snowflakes?
  6. rectangles. the sofas. one purple, two pink. and it manages not to be insane looking. i’m happy with my home. and now its ready. these moments of quiet delirium might be the best moments of the winter, friends. they really might be.
  7. i really also love the shape of typed letters. i do. i’m so glad that i’ve been writing more and getting some feedback here and there. i really do enjoy the way my mind works sometimes and i love that it might spark something in someone else. minds are just astonishing.
  8. my two friends who are hospital workers have gotten the vaccine. it is immeasurable how much they are relieved. it is horrible what they are living with in their work lives. we expect them to act like soldiers at war, fighting for all of us. its horrendous. what is the shape of that?
  9. my arms wide open to hug you. that is the shape i am in.

-love love love


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