let me reassure you.

let’s be frank, shall we?

i am not going to learn a new language during my stayathome pandemica.

i am going to read more books. many of them will contain dwarves or thwarted knights, or possibly detectives. None of them will address racial inequity or the doomed American government.

it has been noticed, that LM, in anxiety/frustration/pandemica exhaustion, will stab frozen ricotta. he does not stab people, which is what i want you to know. but ricotta? that sucka died.

i have purchased a new lawnmower, because i have saved so much money in having all my vacations cancelled. and while i hate that one night at a waterpark hotel is the equivalent of a garden tool that i will use for at least 5 years, and that one night is what ‘all my vacations’ consist of.

i’m probably not going to figure out how to cook Indian food.

my kids are going to watch too many screens, way way too many.

i’m not going to think good thoughts about men. they suck. too many of them have jobs that directly affect my life. i’m talking politicians here. they suck. across the board. it is not time to pretend that the women are just the same. what women?

there are these perfect, golden shard of light moments that keep happening. almost every day. i’m just trying to stay alive to catch them. i can’t collect them, or share them, they just melt away, but they are sustaining me.

one of my 7-year-old’s teachers is reading ‘The Magician’s Nephew’ by C.S.Lewis for the class on youtube.  I can’t get over how much I love listening to it with her. Its fulfilling my life’s purpose that at least one of my children will get my love for C.S.Lewis before adulthood.

so, golden shards, stabbing ricotta, lawnmowing in circles.

got it?

love you. hang in there.


Old Mower Unwifedmotherexpletive



3 thoughts on “let me reassure you.”

  1. I hear you on the self improvement trope. I’m not improving myself in anyway. I’m just trying to keep both
    of my darlings out of the hospital for self destructive psychotic episodes. That’s enough.

    On the reading thing, I’m reading Middlemarch for the fourth time. This time for me the other three times were class assignments. I don’t know quite why I’m reading it. It’s not a beloved book like Return of the Native. I think I’m reading it as a talisman against my mother getting Corona. My mother hates long 19th century novels especially Middlemarch and Mo y Dick. I love them. If I’m reading this, it will keep our argument about their value going and therefore keep her alive. A window into my madness. But when I finish, I plan to read The Mists of Avelon, pure Arthurian magic but from a female perspective. My mother loves historical romances. Cheers

    1. Having only read Middlemarch once, and having loved it, I feel it an excellent TOOL to beat back Corona, and to intellectually debate, while protecting. (ugh, to Moby Dick. I love it for its metaphors, but thats all. shame on me, i know)

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