Everyone couple has a different story. Money in the divorce, who gets what, how do you move along with disparate ways of life, with new incomes, perhaps radically different incomes, different responsibilities in terms of childcare, and of course, the occasional emotional upset.
I remember telling a friend about the split and her first question was whether we’d be selling the house.
it rocked me right back. i hadn’t even thought about it.
(it was early days, there was a lot i hadn’t thought about, or realized about my new reality.)
I am living, currently, on child support and alimony. entirely. the little bits and bobs that i bring in from rent, selling clothes and doing writing gigs for my friend are barely making up the difference for the amount i told him we could cut it down this month. Its tight. but i’m still able to be home for my kids, and i need to be, as no job i could get would equal the childcare i would need. anyhow. you’ve heard it all before… mother’s hours and all that. wah wah.
i could not afford to pay the mortgage on this place, probably even with a ‘traditional’ job. its a doctors house. it IS unpretentious, but big in an eye-opening way. but here i am, living in it with three kids, a dog, a tortoise, a cat and 14 chickens. although, to be fair, the chickens live outside.
i’m incredibly lucky to have been able to be in this house for this whole time, and so are the kids. the few times i’ve glanced at the house-selling subject with the kids, its been pandemonium and upset. and, while upsetting the kids is not a reason to struggle to keep this place, it is a small proof in my eyes, that it might be worth it.
argh. i don’t know. i need to think things through.
what i do know is that my pride is deeply involved. the parts of me that don’t want any fucking money from him AT ALL are at war with the parts of me that want him to remember me.
and OH MY GOD. of course, anything can happen, at any time. but i’m not waiting for some ‘partner’ to arrive, with tons of money and a handyman’s skillset.
as i type, a piece of an out-building just fell to the ground.
so there is that.
so, i don’t know, man. there is a lot.
and i’ve just barely brushed the surface. i think i might make it a series… like dickens, but wicked boring.
heh.
LOVE TO YA, YA MONEY GRUBBERS!!
It sounds so complicated especially weighing the impact on the kids. I think you will come to a point where keeping the house will either feel totally doable OR the stress of keeping it will become such that it is impacting everyone’s quality of life and you will want to sell. We are feeling a wee bit close in our 1600 sq. ft. but I am so bloody frugal that I am waiting until we just can’t stand it anymore to even consider moving. (Although I do have a vision of some sort of Branch Davidian type recogning with three teenage girls in this house….)