FEELINGS (and such frippery)

oh crap. its not my thing, feeling.  i mean, i love my kids so tenderly, i feel lots of curiosity and frustration and dreamy love for them, all the time. Those feelings? yes..completely. . good, solid, ones…

otherwise, the feelings? investigating my own anger, sadness, fear, hesitation? not so much. i get a little badassery when folk want me to get vulnerable, for instance.  just a tad.  its not an empty threat…

but I’ve heard, and my friend Hannah, specifically, suggests I need to think about the feeling i want in front of me, or now, and then work towards that… take actions to bring more of that into my life…

and even, specifically, as it involves the business i want to make for myself.  here, this house, this colorway, this cave of coze… what is the feeling i want to carry with me? to share? to create for myself?  – as if i am making a nest and filling it in with the feathers and fabrics I have collected over the years.

while i have this incredible gap in employment, ( and the desire/need to be the adult in the house) …i have the choice … the conscious placement of the first steps. illumination, dapple… i get to choose my words, my feeling.

Hannah said in conversation the other day that what she would remember about her life would be contained in details… the perfect cup of tea, the beautiful corners of her home, the conversation with a friend…

and i want to be moving in that direction, with intention, and amazement at the place i find myself.

and then there is this: ‘They’ say I should be focusing on a niche, honing my skills to most appeal to a certain crowd.  focus, lazer-eyed squint.

How do I make a feeling marketable?  Somebody tell me.

what feeling do you want more of in your life? what does it look like? How does it feel?