Truth and Baggage

Sometimes I can see clearly that my ex is making up a story about me., making me into something that I am not, for the purposes he believes in, whatever they are.  His treatment of me varies according to a story he is living.  I feel good when I can see this clearly, it removes me from the scene almost entirely.  (emotionally speaking)

but one of my biggest fears? like, the secret, whisper in the dark fear?

am i making him into something he isn’t? have i turned him into a narcissistic egomaniac for my own purposes? have i been in that for a dozen years?

i doubt myself. primarily because he has made me doubt myself for a dozen years.  Because i don’t have any idea or hold on what was true and what is true, anymore, about him.

and so i let it go, try to let go of the fear of it.

I wrote somewhere else lately that “I trust that there is more goodness than anything else”…

and I do believe that… and if I could believe it applied to my ex I feel like I could really let go of somethings… and my load would be so much lighter.

You know all that nonsense about letting go to move on…? yeah, that .

and then… there’s this: am i really working on forgiving hIM before I even look at forgiving myself? AGAIN? AGAIN?

making him more important than me?!

and so if i turn from that silly froth, i get this:

I Am more Goodness than anything else. 

So there is that.