FLIP FLAP, Zombie Mom scuffle.

A list, and a lot of mind-flakes.

  1. I hate Putin. I cannot understand. I heard a guy on tv saying america is weak but supporting him by buying oil. this from the same citizen-base who blames gas prices on presidents. I’m so confused by the way people look at things. I just cannot understand any of this and my heart is broken for a mindset that says its okay to destroy a nation, for any reason at all. What the fuck.
  2. I don’t watch tv news. But I get suckered by what shows up on my computer screen sometimes. Flickering light of doom.
  3. I am having a hard time with my brain. Adjusting to life outside of my house is proving much more difficult than I’d imagined. (i mean, realistically, not hard, but listen..) I’ve spent most of sixteen years completely at-home. Time moves differently here. There were jobs, small ones. There was and is, a pandemic. Time and space give my brain an elasticity that goes away when everything is rush and hurry. The scheduling of my life has taken a new, more powerful role and yes, i can adjust. I keep bumping into these speed bumps though, and i fall off the road. For instance, I don’t take a lunch at any of these jobs, because what? lose money? no. So, i arrive home around 2 or 2:30 without having had food. I’m not good at feeding myself, and the kids are home and so i forget. So, I’m derailing around 4, moving automatically but not well, and thinking about making dinner or preparing it, and then suddenly its taxitime or bedtime, and i haven’t written, haven’t done a single thing for my inner world, and goddamnit. Its a problem.
  4. Zombie mom is not a good mom.
  5. I’m having a giant plant sale in May. Snapdragons, pansies, sunflowers, nasturtium, you name it, come and buy it. Me. All me. And both my farmers are trying to help me and dude, nothing is planted yet. How does one wrap one’s brain around so much potential and possible disaster all at once? I do not know. I’m sometimes freaking out.
  6. Zombie mom is not a good mom.
  7. I’m starting another refinance process. I’m starting my taxes. They both feel just as good as each other. Skunks with porcupine quills. Imagine that.
  8. Hi, and I’m sorry I haven’t written more. Believe me.
From awhile ago, but goddamnit. I own this post. Here I am.

Leave me your words! thoughts! sweat, blood, and tears not really needed but okay, if you want... :)

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