Maybe i should be looking for sanctuary. And therein a prompt. How do you seek your sanctuary? Really. Tell me. TELL ME YOURS.

  1. In some ways i feel like this is a trick. Like, how i seek my calm, my center… hasn’t been stretched beyond imagining in this past 9 months? Like a bath does it for me anymore? 
  2. When I can remember or gather my strength, going outside is very good. If there is sun, its so much better. Getting a chance to define dapple, over and over. 
  3. Some of these things are things i remember from a distance, because i don’t have that strength or that gathering force. Walks with music used to remind me who I am, what stirs me musically being so particular. 
  4. I am deeply satisfied by writing. I’m also deeply satisfied by sharing the writing. I don’t know how to examine that further, or if I should be making judgements on it. Today I am going to say no. or actually, just not during this hour to type. I’m sure I’ll spend the rest of the day judging it.
  5. My kid sings the most beautiful version of “Sanctuary” . It is spooky beautiful and maybe has made me cry once.
  6. Sometimes it means snuggling my kids, and sometimes it means being by myself, with them away. Both are so enriching, so affirming. 
  7. Today I’m really tired. I did get heat back. My neighbor taught me how to light the pilot light. I did host the three littles for the birthday. I did fall asleep in my clothes with my little at 9. I’m still just wiped. I sent off the writing I’m scared of. The boys are depressed by remote learning and I’m dealing with body humor all the time. If I see ONE more ass hanging out, I tell you. The next birthday takes place somewhere else and I’m set. Basically, now I wait for January. I’m going to stop here because I’m just too meh.

2 thoughts on “NOVEMBER NONO: SIXTEEN. Sanctuary”

  1. What a great prompt. I really enjoy your blogs, especially during this time when we’re not able to get together face-to-face. I miss that. Even though your blogs seem to flow from a very creative place, I appreciate that they also take commitment, effort, and skill. But the fact that your voice comes through loud and clear is a wonderful thing.
    Sanctuary. I think my home is a sanctuary but also being out in nature allows for both seeing the natural world and drinking in the stillness, the peacefulness, and the perspective that life goes on all the time around us, with us, and without us. I also get those same feelings when I visit churches when we travel. Those places where people consciously erect, sanctify, and worship something larger than themselves hold a certain sacredness that is grounding, affirming of human imperfection and need for community, for belief in something larger than ourselves.
    Sanctuary also comes from breathing slowly, allowing the body to become calm, and with it the mind. This is hard-fought peacefulness that has taken a lot of effort over the years to learn how to do, how to quiet the too busy mind that wants to chase distractions, how to focus on the simple truths I know about myself that I need to repeat to quiet things down. So sanctuary results in saying “You’ll be OK,” “I have done enough,” “Let it go,” and “Just relax.” These work for me and help me create an internal sanctuary for me to return to whenever I make space and time for it and remember to focus on my breathing, slowing it, deepening it until I reach that inner peace. Lovely.

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