I miss being able to go to a diner and have someone pour me questionable coffee in a white ceramic mug that I want to steal, each time.
I miss smiling at people with my whole face at the grocery store.
I miss putting my hands on my mother.
I miss LM, but I think its still right, because I missed myself, too, and hadn’t realized the depths to which I had gone missing, again…
I miss not feeling sad sometime each day.
I miss not worrying about the health of my kids, in a death-fixation way.
I miss browsing tangible things, and buying something I can’t assess from a practicality perspective.
I miss being lazy about food.
I miss school busses.
I miss editing and proofreading other people’s stuff. in quietude. in a timely fashion. without interruption.
I miss being able to not go to a yoga class when the kids are away. I miss the choices I didn’t make.
I miss the potential of meetings, to offer more choices in writing, in expansion of subjects, in simple conversations.
I miss coffee rolls.
I miss spontaneous visits.
I miss opening the door to let someone into the kitchen.
The world is going to be different, for quite a while. and I miss the old one, with all its problems, because at least I knew it. Now I’m missing something I don’t even know. and that gets complicated, this not-knowing of the world.
peace be with you,
2 thoughts on “Misses (our lists are long)”
THIS! I’m grieving all of this and it’s making me a furious bundle of nerves.
I like words like ‘frittering’ and ‘skittering’ for how my nervous system is functioning these days…