Okay, so my title choice are going WAY downhill. but i wanted to tell you what else I’m doing besides crying in blankets because of facebook ads, more of which happened today… more crying that is… i’ll be fine.
i said yesterday in a supportive environment that ‘Not knowing doesn’t mean I’m stupid, it just means I don’t know’.
today i’m clutching that like its my glasses at the end of the world library.
sigh.
but what else i’m doing is this:
*editing romance novels.
*finessing the ‘about page’ for a Greek family jewelry/design business
*writing articles on how to pick a good Kindergarten, in Singapore. not the same as in my town, dudes. not the same.
*swanking up acceptance speeches in Brazil, because there are Astrological organizations there that need swanking.
*applying daily for as many jobs as I can, because I have no idea what jobs I’m going to have next week.
*talking to myself moment-to-moment about how i should not quit crazy uncle job, because of money, and pride. (austen moment, i’m not one of the survivors.)
i’ll be fine, but right now i’m not really.
i wrote this earlier and i liked it, i think its right. …
i am in such a mood. its killer. still no cigarettes. (day 5 in progress) but damn. it hurts. one of the things that kills me? i used to live like this all the time…the edge of tears, the full to the brim of ‘it must be my fault’… ‘i just hafta…and it’ll… ” “if i just _______, then ______it’ll be all better…” … all the time… and i’m done now, so revisiting like this is doubly painful. like, empathetic pain for the ‘she was’ … you know? ouch. ouch.
ouch.
this photo has nothing to do with anything… but its a beach front place thats packing up for winter, and is chockfull of beauty. so much. it burbles out.