It used to be so much easier to write. I feel that truth. My days had more blank space and my mind was not as full of the minutiae of the day to day. the laundry is now and will forever be there, but somehow, even with young ones, i was able to throw down words in a way that felt cathartic, and creative somehow.
now i have more consciousness about who is reading, more private children, (and they can read), more ego, i guess, in terms of not wanting to embarass myself or anyone else. i can get really tired of people thinking i’m odd. i’m only as odd as the next guy. and i’m not talking about the naked guy at the beach. It gets old, and being embarassed is not that good a feeling, it seems to ride side-saddle to shame.
i’m in the winter of a farm life, treasuring the time i have now that the ground is frozen, spending hours and hours at home, reading, gazing at the fire, eating too much, worrying about the money that is not coming in, the weight that is coming back, knowing how close spring is, and the return of the too much, all the while still awaiting a real snow. I should have already started the eucalyptus seeds but i’m feeling stubborn, and i want my cave-in to be complete, whole. Me in a blanket fort for days. Coffee and cookies and potato-cheese products delivered at will. That’s all. And money, money would be good too. but, just stacks. I think i could stuff a pillowcase just fine. Or, maybe not, but i could certainly use it as a coaster for my coffee mug.
Hoard, and Cave.
Thats where I’m at, friends. Happy January.
love love,
me.
*I’m a branch swinging wildly in the wind. I’m just hoping I stay attached, or that the crash is not devastating.
I think one of the problems with being a creative person, at least for me, is that when you hit one of the inevitable dry spells it can make you feel like you were never any good, not really that creative, in the first place. Very hard to get through. Hugs and keep writing
I think that’s pretty spot on, Noel. Very thoughtful.
I relate to “i can get really tired of people thinking i’m odd.” although perhaps what I’m really tired of of is thinking that people think I’m odd. And maybe they don’t, maybe they do, but yes, I’m tired of all that too.