Woke up alive

Something in the air here was good last night. We all slept well, and the three who are still under the weather got stronger.

I had the wherewithal to change the sheets yesterday, and Fresh sheets? That is one of the best things in life, as I am sure you are aware. So maybe that helped with the sleep? Or the lung lover’s tea from farmacyherbs. ? Maybe its just the natural progress of the worm through our system, I don’t know.

I can breathe through my nose now, for instance. This is on Day Four. You think its a small thing, but when it arrives? Bliss and Blow.

My eldest and I go to get officially tested today. I’ll be very curious to see the results, indeed.

Is there anyway that I, the vaccinated Mothah, in a house with two covid-positive snotrags*, could escape that diagnosis?

If I do, is that a test I trust? Or, is that insanity? Do I doubt the test or admire the ingenuity of the worm? If I don’t test positive, am I almost done please? I want to be almost done.

I feel like covid is a trickier bastard than we have been thinking, so i will not be surprised either way, actually.

Tomorrow I roast a turkey, because not leaving the house at all has made me finally address the only sign of panic in my life. The freezers. So, yes, there is an outward sign that I was highly anxious last year. I froze milk. Lots and lots of hamburger, and I froze a package of shredded cheese. Hmm. Random. Yes, I’m sure I was thinking about tacos. I haven’t seen the bottom of the freezer since 2019.

So much has changed, but I can still feel that level of anxiety in my body, somewhere in the shoulders, just at skin level. When we didn’t know. When we didn’t go anywhere. When I lost my flipping mind and screamed and yelled because my kids went on a sleepover because their father had a different threshold, which is being excessively generous of my feelings about that at the time. Because I was fucking terrified. My mom left her groceries in the barn overnight just in case. I wore gloves everywhere outside of the house. I was the calm one, okay? I really was. And I still am. And I have been coming to realize that I am fanatically stubborn, which sometimes appears like calm.

It is more than just being stubborn, but this is a place to start. I refuse to panic again. I am deeply protective of my right to not-panic. I will not freeze milk, I will not freeze cheese. I will handle terror like a piece of raw meat, salt it and throw it in a fire.

I am excessively lucky, yes, I know. I am always aware. I do not have, nor do my children, any complicating factors. But covid is in my house right now, and I am immovable in my certainty. What else is there?

All is well.

lovelovelove lovelovelove

*i don’t call my kids names generally, but in this case, they are literal snot rags.