I’m writing this post in a weirdly selfish type of way. its a checklist item and i’m doing it to prove a point to myself, that i can do work , and tons and tons of it, and still type here.
i’m doing tons and tons of work today . The birthday happened. I did not punch anyone. I allowed the ‘nextwife’ to partake and I didn’t even fucking kick her in the balls, not even once.
she’s probably totally nice (not probably) but because she doesn’t have any kids she doesn’t have any idea what it takes for me to be gracious in this situation. she can borrow my kids, and be friends with them, and love them and vice versa. (which again is the inside-out skin feeling) but i’ll kick her in the balls in a heartbeat if she steps in my path. and so, today, while i’m trying to flip my skin back to right side out, i’m writing full speed, catching up for all the days of ‘surprise, the kids are home for veterans’ day, and ‘oh, you need to buy party favors!’ and ‘oh, go get my dress shoes for homecoming, i left them at dad’s’ and ‘hoowee’.
and i’m catching up.
and tomorrow I am going to buy myself flowers, when the writing is done. ! and also, I’ll be paid, so there is that!
When this writing today is done, I will breathe a little, and that will be good. Maybe I’ll take a walk or something.
okay. point proven.
back to the grind.