My pendulum swings are looking a little erratic these days, guys.
i’m still taking a break from men, but i’m on a dating app. I think my two weeks of break just broke a habit, and now I’m not checking it like a crazy person anymore. and so thats good, very good.
But I’m still on this break. I feel pretty weird about it, really. I have men friends that I can talk to if I want to feel frustrated and overwrought. but I’m drawing a pretty firm line in the sand, and its strange because its happening without much thought on my part. I just need it.
but I’m looking longingly through the window too. its that hope in the church thing.
so i also signed up for a spiritual advisor.
because there have been three different occasions in which the subject has come up lately and i’ve poo-poo’d it, and then today, my friend directly messaged me, asking me if i wanted some advising.
when the universe punches you in the mouth, you listen.
also, it is soccer season. and that just is nuts, guys. the only, well, one of the lovely things about soccer is that there is no such thing as a double-header, and the games are really kept to 90 minutes, and that mostly means you can plan your life around them. but only if you don’t work on the weekends, when at least one, if not two games happens. maybe three.
so the farm saturdays will stop soon, and i’m glad, and i’m sad. its a natural coincidence as we move into the darker days.
maybe that is where my mood is of late, in the coming of the darker days. the walk along the beach yesterday where i kept my head down and just cranked it out. the water only vaguely tempting me out of my shadow. i’m on full day two of no cigarettes and some of my rage is becoming wet sand.
so that is good. good.
its a jumble. i’m working it. winter is coming.
(insert jaws music)
love you. feeling weird over here,