OK. so. Fucking March.

I’m not dangerously depressed, so don’t worry.

I have my tools. I know what to do. Love lists are just fantastic and many many things make me happy, even on the worst days.

NOTICE.

Today my writing exercise was to literally list what I Notice around me. and I’m sharing it with you because, of course, I wander off topic.

Write what you see around you. Notice.

A phone, bleeping its messages. Dishes dirtied with my appetite. Coffee, yogurt, toast. Pens. Handwriting. The damn taxes. The book from noel. Illustrations that fill me. Taxes. Headphones for listening and not-listening both, waiting for an empty house, imagining a quiet place, that I will be scared of when it arrives. Glasses. Lamp. The light through the plasticked windows, grey, the hanging plants in the new-to-me macrame, greening my space with hope. Figuring out why a plant is unhealthy is pretty damn satisfying, otherwise it is deadly, and so what? out it goes, the silently dead. I wish solutions were so easy to come by. New corn plant on the desk. A mauve sweater, green legwarmers, another noel gift. I’m so lucky. back to the desk again. Tarot cards guilded. Calendar notations, cords, cords, cords, and this is all my desk. Reminders of what clutter I have in my brain, my space. A yellow #2. The grain of the wood. A juice box straw wrapper. A pamphlet for birth control. Beach Stones from Rose Island. Fool’s gold. Notepad. Garden plans, flowers, flowers, flowers and maybe some cucumbers. Cat on an armchair, snuggled up in a blanket that was on my parent’s bed when I was growing up. Armchair insanely upholstered by my uncle. Insanely. The arms are weak, I keep it in here to keep the kids off it. Insanely.

Out the windows there are cars and today a very large crow scooped up some roadkill. When you see how big they can be it is a little intimidating. No one even talks about it.

In summer this room is awash in the sun through the branches of the hydrangea tree. Now though, I’m grey all the way through in this mean-skied cold day. The birds are huddled elsewhere . Though puffed up sparrows just stopped by. Maybe I’m Toad of Toad Hall. Or Badger. Badger, more likely. By far.

Maybe Ratty. Definitely not Mole.

Wandering off topic is my favorite thing. but also here on this desk, unbelievably, is a face mask that heats up, a pile of cards I keep meaning to write in, and the hair tie of an eight year old. And this is not one of those giant behemoth seventies desks. There aren’t any drawers. Its an old kitchen table that really would be suitable for two dinner plates and food. Thats it. It was pretty empty last month. The taxes are sort of hidden away under the laptop. BUT they loom. oh yes they do.

tonight i hope to use the face mask. make mahself all pretty for tomorrow’s electrician. oh yes. (i mean, not at all, not at all)

i missed a lecture i wanted to see because of the time change and that is only mildly bitter.

right. okay. full stop.

love love,

me.