Seriously. What are you doing?
These are questions I need to answer, to look into… What are yours?
- What are you doing to tend to yourself, to make it so that you make it out of this year and this experience safe and sane and whole?
- How are you taking steps to satisfy a dream? I’m talking steps, not jumps, not leaps, just tiny baby movements… how are you taking them?
- What’s up with all the tv? What did you do before?
- What do you think is with all the mortality thinking? Is it about my mom, my mominlaw, me? covid? aging? what?
- Why don’t I drink more water? Do I not think I am worth it? Seriously, what is that about? Why do I prioritize almost everything else over myself?
- What about fun? What can I do to have more of it?
My GOD, i love you guys. Keep talking to me. Keep talking.
I am thinking about mortality not because of Covid but because my husband turned 80. Sounds old to me and brings the reality of death that much closer. Can’t be avoided so I think about it. How might he die? How would I handle that? What would I do then? Or maybe I’ll die first. I imagine that would be very difficult for him. Makes the time together even more precious (when he’s not infuriating me by talking to me as he walks away though I’ve asked him for the past 40 years to turn toward me when he’s talking to me so I can actually hear what he’s saying…). So some balance seems in order while I prepare for the worst and enjoy the present.