so, a list.

no prompt, just a list of ten. because i don’t know how else to move ahead. and i’ve got to.

  1. its snowing here. if winter is now here, then what will i worry about? i jest, in a sick sad way, because we all know that february is the killer.
  2. i’m not talking about next week, because our country is such an enormous mess of ugly right now, but i’m going to go to a virtual quaker meeting on monday to pray and worship my way through whatever happens during our election. silence and comraderie. linking arms through zoom. what has become of us? me?
  3. i think i need to make a list again, of what i want in a man. i need more hand holding.
  4. maybe i’m over-reliant on lists. strips of paper floating around the kitchen, occasionally making it to the burn pile, what is it signifying? COME ON! what does it mean?
  5. i’m eating a piece of cake. its 10 am and cake is being had.i made it last night because littlest needed a ‘special halloween treat’. its not like we’re in a pandemic or anything. why am i all alone in this reality? i mean, should i have sent a jar of canned tomatoes? i think my sweet tooth has become my costume for the year. i am human sweet tooth. (and still no diabetes, thank you)
  6. my kid is doing remote learning as a taco today. welcome to distractability, teacher friends. and this is WITH a parent present.
  7. November is coming and its typically November and December that are the worst for me, of the whole year. two birthdays, the anniversary of my father’s death and all the holidays that mark some pretty dark changes in my life these past five years. birthdays are hard. Do i get to go? am i invited this time? holy shit stupid stuff. and then thanksgiving with my father’s absence being so enormous and pervasive. christmas with money and exhaustion and can i compete with playboy daddy? nah. but it always takes me a minute to remember i don’t have to. and those minutes suck. I breathe differently in january. i do.
  8. this is always a time of remembrance for me. sometimes good and sometimes sad. it can get me down, in my worry that i’m not making new memories as strongly as i’d like, but it is what it is. (she says while laying down on the ground in surrender.)
  9. i’m an introvert and i’m okay with that, but lately have been desiring a few new faces. introverts are badasses of solitude so i don’t really know how to go about getting new faces, especially female ones. man ones have dating sites and regrets.
  10. The snowfall is becoming beautiful, right now, as i type. i’ve got popcorn beside me and i don’t need to leave my house again for three hours. there is something so fantastic about shelter. its just that simple.


hmm. a book guide, so obnoxious. here it is.

what shelters you? what do you do in your time of remembrance? how are you competitive? what costume would you wear if you could use it now?

Leave me your words! thoughts! sweat, blood, and tears not really needed but okay, if you want... :)

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