ha. i wrote down this title twenty days ago. just the title. haaaaaaaaaaaaa.
what on earth do i have to say about this one? why are they together? i mean, of course they SHOULD be, but integrity should/could sorta be paired with all things… integrity and pizza. integrity and grit. integrity and the bald man. i mean, c’mon.
lately i’ve been faced with a person who doesn’t respect my position in the family. as mother, as home-maker, as valuable member of society, even. and, because i am non-confrontational, and my role with this person has been conciliatory much of my adult life, i see no point in arguing. literally, no point. It has been this way for years… if nothing in life has shown my value to this person, than no words will do it. and certainly no angry ones.
and so i have had to let quite a bit of misinformation, insult, or disrespect lie . lie on the floor like the dog it is. without a bit of response on my part.
while i may congratulate myself for my ‘grownupitude’, i also am side-eye-ing my quick and dirty ‘shouldhavesaid’s fairly often, and it does run through my head on the daily.
so there is peace, yes, but it feels pocked… and i know its of a different quality than what i’m looking for.
a friend suggested that i make a video of all the ‘shouldhavesaids’ in order to lighten the load. i might do it. i feel a little cheap making it public though, even if just to friends, because i feel like the weight is on me, to take it, to unburden myself in private, to re-stock my ponds with healthy fish.
what do you do with all your ‘shouldhavesaids’ … how do you release them?