What happens to me if I can’t get good sleep? For a week or so? Never twice in a row even!? (i have since gotten a couple good nights in..hence, ability to write somewhat coherently.
- I cry before work and don’t know why
- I change my clothes more than once in the mornings and look like a homeless person who wandered into a school- no one has said anything yet. I’m just not coherent, and my ‘I don’t care’ is high. Just put on another sweater, it’ll all work out.
- I dread bed, no matter how tired I am or if the honey man is up there.
- My patience… oh wherefor art thou?
- My eyes get smaller and smaller and I squint at the world.
- I fake it and fake it and fake it and start looking for a therapist with more determination because those who love me are commenting on my rawness. they are not buying into the fakery.
- Thin skin means issues rise to the surface. No longer contained.
- Good goddamned. I’m calling it boredom, but I think it’s the distractability of the sleep deprived. I’m getting bored with things that are different every single day, and it doesn’t make any sense. Boredom is a little dangerous for me. things will start to happen.
- I lie in bed, exhausted, and just lie there. eyes closed, brain clicking along like a train on a track, nothing to resolve, nothing resolved, just click after click after click.
I definitely know that there are people with SERIOUS sleep issues, and I think mine is temporary, and so there, it is said. But good goddamn. I am so tired. Is this just the fifties for women? Really? Maybe. the ‘fucks to be given’ are leaving, if not gone entirely, and I’m relying on the world around me to adjust. Good idea? mm.
with slight concern, but only slight because i mean, who cares about my goddamned sleep, really? I mean, not even me.
I’ll get it done anyways. this is a clear ‘whatever’ situation and mood.
love love,
kate
ps. Maybe sleep is affecting my positivity? How you like me now?! Huh? Huh?
