I kind of feel like whining today. I’m not sure what it is, things are mostly going fine. I’m waiting for a phone call about a job, and I’m home and mostly cozy and I did my chicken chores this morning with very minimal heavy breathing or grotesquerie. So, what is my complaint?
My kids are good, I’m good. So what is up with the desire to whine and criticize? I’m giving snark to what I read, giving snark to what I see…
I’ve been missing my old instagram which used to just have pretty pictures that made me happy, and now it’s all ads and I want to spend money but don’t have those extras, so there and bite me, marketers.
I have to shut it off and put the phone down when I get like that. It does me no good to be snarky at the algorithm. Do they hear me somehow? Yes, they do. They’ve even robbed me of my belief in freakish coincidences. Yes, they have.
I’ve already taken all the games off the phone. I find myself picking it up and just staring at it, willing the game to appear, so i can fill my empty void up. So whats that about?! What empty void? Seriously? I find that incredible.
What empty void?
I’m pretty damn busy and content with many things, so what’s the ceaseless motion needed for? the ceaseless motion of a swappit game or a glass pickup? (not me but some people)…
I used to smoke so maybe its that same urge, to blank out, to sit alone and just stare out at stuff while breathing deeply and making other people leave you alone.
whine whine nudge. My dissatisfaction is high. and yet, isn’t. gah. I’m feeling antsy. The little red ones.
what about if I’m just bored with the life right now? Am I secretly a drama queen, underneath all this practicality? I cannot believe it to be so. I cannot.
I do love to skip contractions sometimes, I do.
How can a dork like me ever be bored? I like to talk about contractions, for chrissakes.
The fire is crackling and snapping. Loud enough that even I can hear. This is pretty wonderful.
Generally, I think that my periods of frustration, exasperation, antsyness, are followed by a period of gloom and then of action. Maybe I’m just following the seasons, I don’t know. I used to love my season of hibernation. Maybe now that the kids are all gone all day, my role shift has me feeling like i have too much time? and yet.
I’m a person who deeply needs my alone time. and while i wish it were more lucrative, my ghostwriting and editing provide me with pay and the alone time that i crave. They’ve also been fantastic practice at recognizing the beats of a good story. I would say also that they’ve allowed me to say that I have written books. And I have. And people buy them. I cannot tell you who, or what the author’s name is who sells my writing, but people buy them!
So wah, wah. Sisboombah.
I don’t know what to tell you. I bet you wish you’d listened, when I told you to skip this one.
love you, do.
1 thought on “Skip this one. No, really.”
When you feel the antsiness, just breathe and breathe again and again. Say I’m OK, or all is well, I am enough or some other statement that feels right. Relax, let the tension and self-judgment go. “I am fine, I am enough…” and go do something, move, connect with your present. You are enough. Happy New Year.