So, i’m going to work like normal. Living entirely normally. Without ceaseless taxi-ing. Or dinner-making.
I order chinese and i eat leftovers for a few days. Then I move on to eggs, in all the forms, because, hello. I work in eggs. (i just smiled at that ridiculous sentence)
Meditation made me cry this morning. An entirely sweet cry, recognizing and releasing (partially releasing, i am not Buddha after all.) As I was saying, recognizing and releasing some of the ugly feelings I have been holding. Competition, jealousy, snark, judgement, valuelessness, self-slander.
Recognizing that all those many layers of shit can just fall off sometimes, that what is underneath all of them is still in good shape, still golden, still and always ripe.
In truth, those layers are sentient, and they think they are protecting my inner light. Its all about being safe, babies. So, when I let the shit slide off, and I’m still safe? Some of it just goes away. just. gone. I get lighter, and my soft chewy little center of hope and light? She shines a little bit, shy right now.
but who knows?