oh boy. its here. they all arrive home in the next three hours and they won’t leave again until august.
(yes, i’m exaggerating. they spend a lot of time with their dad, and friends and a whole bunch of things outside the house. but this is it, the end of routine.)
And i’ve decided to bring my laptop outside, which I never do. Somehow I feel like I ‘need’ to be productive and there can’t be any pleasure in that. And if there is, it must not be productivity. Somehow the joy should be in the ‘completion’ but not the task, like with yesterday’s taxes. (which is asinine and maybe i’ll rethink that thought tomorrow.)
But here I am, typing outside. I have a lot of work I’m supposed to do this month, and I can’t see how I’m going to do any of it. I’m pretty damn sure I can’t type while driving or making lunches or sitting on the beach keeping children from drowning. or at least watching like a hawk to be sure I am the first to know that they Are.
shitake.
Its beautiful today. The clouds are that stretched-out type that look almost flat, I’m sure one of you knows the name. It feels still, but when the treetops are this busy, there is no way there are that many squirrels up there.
I’ve been avoiding thinking about this being the end of this particular year. Why is that? The kids arriving home today signals the end of something enormous. If they stick around long enough this afternoon, I think I need a family hug. Or a family nap. They made it. I made it. Most of their teachers made it, though I’m sure one or two lost their minds. God bless us all.
Its so big, I don’t know how to wrap my head around it. There is something that needs to be done, some way to mark it. Face tattoos? Hair dye?
Shit.
The world is so beautiful guys, and we made it through a very long year. Since last march. My god.
my god.
lovelove.
I’m so there, even though I have no one in school. We’re all still here, so grateful for that. I don’t know how to process it all. Hugs to you all.
it feels like ‘not enough’ to just let time pass, somehow.
i’m going to mull it.
There is something agonizing and miraculous about the last year and a bit. It would be good to mark it, nail it down somehow (the agony of it all the oddness of it now). Face tattoos are definitely a statement.
BIG HUG.
Ahh, taxes. Yes, no joy for me either in that task, but there are other tasks which are almost as joyful as the completion of them. I hope you had your big family hug AND a nap! (And here’s to your hawk-like watching preventing any drownings . . . !!)
Yes, yes, this year has been BIG, HUGE, MONSTROUS at times. Mark it, mark it.