Out of laundry detergent.

First world problems, right here. Come and get ’em.

1. I make my own laundry detergent, (fels naptha, washing soap and borax) so this means a trip to the grocery store and then MAKE THE LAUNDRY DETERGENT, for bedspreads covered in vomit. If you do not do all these steps you will sigh heavily at the sight of plastic jugs in your laundry area and judge yourself for killing the world. If you do not wash them, the house will never stop smelling. The towels are clean, the sheets are drying in the wind, probably, once I get around to it. Its so windy today I might lose them.
2. I got a good night’s sleep last night. The kids are at their dad’s. None of them are throwing up and none of them had a bad night either. They were already not throwing up when I passed them off, but the guy had the gall to ask me to wish him luck. FOR KIDS WHO WERE ALREADY DONE WITH ALL THE THROWING UP. He has a new fiance and I guess he wants her to think this is his gig. (its supposed to be. you know? i’m crying a little. (no, i’m not) boy, thats an onion. not them, him. so many layers. and i’ll be mad about it for a while, and its fruitless and who the hell cares, really. idiot, me. I’m too tired to be able to stop myself from typing it though. resistance is low. )
3. I’m pretty tired still though. I think I skipped a night, so my plans today include laundry, grocery and reading. I’m so very glad I finished up that writing project early. I’d be in tears right now otherwise. THANK YOU FOR THE TYPED YELLING, FRIENDS.
4. I’ve decided that I resent spring, for forcing me to let go of my safe nest. I hate it. Of course, I love the flowers and the hope and all that crap, but I am clinging to my doorframe and the wind is whipping me around like a freaking pastel bunny house flag. I DO NOT WANT TO GO.
5. There is so much to freaking do in spring. the yard, the house, everything is uncovered. every single little thing. I know I have to break it into little parts and just take care of it. but my god, houses are freaking enormous and there are so many little parts. so very many. I’m trying to get the stuff done that bothers me the most, while asking for help with things that are pure luxury, or plainly useful. (not really luxury, to have a produce table made, is it?) but i guess for me, the luxury is in the asking. i’m not used to it and it scares me a little.
6. I am waiting on a tax form. I know the deadline has been extended but I’ve been waiting for a month and it was just supposed to arrive naturally in the first place so WHERE THE HELL IS IT? I am too much of a rule follower to be comfortable not turning in my papers on time. My mother-in-law, former teacher still rags me about a paper I didn’t turn in on time, in high school, 30 years ago. She can remember THAT, but not that my dad died seven years ago. wackadoo.
7. The stimulus check is going to the dog, mostly, (half, really) can you believe that? But he’ll have a full yard now, and I can maybe grow grass or whatever pops up when no one digs there. The kids have been asking for three years, for him to play ball with them. so now he can, and the business putting the wire down is a family-owned one so hopefully it is valuable to them too.
8. I’m tired. I don’t want to leave the house. I don’t. I have the kids break-free for the next seven days and there is not currently enough food for that, here. So needs must, and all that. This is the ONLY occasion in which I’d love one of those driverless cars. I could nap on the way. Otherwise, they are terrifying. (random list? yes.)
9. I have to go buy a can of compressed air. Honestly, this makes my soul feel like breaking. Can we not just ‘blow real hard’ anymore? I don’t know how to handle the complexity of my feelings about this. Honestly. honestly. honestly.
10. Okay, so I did get a good night’s sleep, but I am beginning to see that it might not have been enough. Hello random list, how are you?

I hope you all are not visited by a stomach bug. I hope that fervently.