December’s noticings

I’m doing something with my friend Cynthia Lee this next eleven days. She’s on Patreon and if I can figure out how to, I will link to her. 3 bucks gets you in. (and she’s given me permission to cancel after because we all get permission, all the time. She’s good like that. and its a list of nine. you know me, by now. lists, baby.

today’s subject is color, which is my favorite.

1. i dream about the perfect salad, the colors, the jumpout nature of the red peppers or the purple cabbage, maybe some cranberries dried. the white of a cheese… and the deepest greens. people who like to eat will make perfect plates, balanced in color, taste, sensation. thats my goal. if only someone else would make the goddamned plate, the goddamned salad. I think I might starve if I didn’t have processed foods at this point. and it is debatable that processed foods might starve me nutritionally, but goddamn it.
2. the bluegreen glow of screens. its everywhere here, all day. all day. all night. its a hum that is not keeping us warm in a substantial way. maybe its the same as the processed food. keeps us alive but starves us at the same time.
3. black. the cast iron stove at my feet, the warmth it brings, the real, the substantial. no starving, no process, unless you’ve got the ritual of bringing in the wood, dropping it in the box. there are no frills, but its existence is a revolutionary frill, thrill.
4. the green of the rhodendendron leaf outside my window. today it is flat, open, unfurled in the snow-melting wealth of warmth. its a bird-hiding cornucopia. (i’m mixing so many metaphors, can you make sense of it?)
5. what do you call the color of a shimmer? the part of the red ornaments that catches the light is almost a bright yellow… but walk right up to it, block the light and you’ve got nothing but red, baby. so what’s that color?
6. plum. the color of the next shoe that i want. if i can justify buying anything for myself ever again. its a color that is missing from the kitchen i am sitting in. plum. now thats a highly enjoyable color, in bits. maybe i should just get a mug. why can’t fluevogs be in my price range? why?
7. greyscale. the texting. the constant texting with friends. i’m not texting a single man who is not my actual friend at this point, and this clean slate will be good for me, once i get used to it and stop having the tremors. I don’t know when I’ll start up again, but I’m sure I will. Maybe there is an old folks dating site that I can find when its time.
8. Red. Fire engine red, the christmas red. i’ve got my coffee in a red christmas mug and it makes me happy. i’ve got loving memories attached to it and i feel a little loved when i use it. we can all use some of that. santa’s coat, the ornaments with the shimmer. all the red. all of it.
9. snow white. before reality hits. that color.