It really has been an education for me, this navigation of adult relationships with men. Honestly.
I thought I knew what I was doing when I was 24, but age and experience, and baggage, do a whole lot to shake up those notions. the bubbles are going the wrong way!! ( just watched the BFG last night… if you don’t watch kids movies on the regular, well, then, lucky you, maybe.) I’m on a constant learning curve, and when you add in a new fella pretty regularly, it can feel like a fucking rollercoaster. and i do not like that. but. there are moments of calm, and real learning.
Ed, this man that I have communicated with for almost a year, is now my lovah. I see him once a week, and know very little about his day to day life. and if that sentence didn’t blow your mind, then imagine how my brain churns on this reality. He is astonishingly well put together. (wiggling eyebrows)
we don’t date. we don’t see each other outside of our tuesday mornings. we don’t talk on the phone, although there are texts, and i have gotten recorded messages from him.
but thats it. we meet at the door in the kitchen and kiss. sometimes we barely say hello.
today he was telling me i was beautiful. over and over. just the words ‘you’re so beautiful’… again and again. and i got emotional. had to put my head on his chest to hide the possibility from myself, and from him.
To have someone say that to you?