Mastermind

So, right now I am not dating anyone at all.  I have some friends I can call on if I need to get physical, but there is not a date anywhere in my immediate scene. (DUDE. DID YOU READ THAT SENTENCE? HOLY SHIT.)  A date, for those of you uninitiated into the dating over 40 scene, which involves heavy doses of john hughes-ian fantasy mixed with crushing edwardscissorhands bitter realities, is pretty sweet… if you discount all those descriptors….  Ideally, it is a nice place, a good conversation that flows easily, and a few drinks… although, truly, i can only have one if i have driven myself… so, cheap date.   OH! god, remind me to talk about how to decide paying for it. jesus. stupid gender stuff. so stupid. but for real. every time.

its a chance to dress up, to put on makeup, to investigate a new person… its fun, and exciting, really, as long as there is a hint of reciprocity and a conversational flow.  I don’t even, really, care about appearance, though it definitely determines my willingness to get close… conversation is always possible. should be. even in this fucked up, divisive time.

there was one guy i dated who did not vote. ever. proudly. and didn’t really like immigrants, who did his work but less expensively…  and it almost ended us.  but then he said this, ‘but.so. you don’t ever talk to people who have different opinions than you?’ and so , he won. and we talked an awful lot about it. and i never even changed his mind, but we kept talking and i don’t think he’s a bad person for his views, i just don’t have them and never will.

but i’m not dating him anymore, and i’ll eventually tell you how that was… but til then i can wear my liberal snowflake suit anytime i want now.

sigh.

this country.

I wish there were some omnipotent guiding force, some mastermind behind all of this, so that i felt like we, and I were walking in the right direction, sidesteps aside…

sigh.

( i know, light within, and all . mustard seeds, thats what i say to you who know what i’m talking about…mustard seeds…)

sigh.